From f93f08d51582bb8a9498493cf44f9eade3fc8cc1 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Alice D Date: Sun, 16 Apr 2023 18:13:45 -0400 Subject: [PATCH] marisa story+intro edits --- src/cutscenes/intro.inc.h | 56 +++++++++++++------------- src/cutscenes/marisa_bad_end.inc.h | 14 +++---- src/cutscenes/marisa_extra_intro.inc.h | 18 ++++----- src/cutscenes/marisa_good_end.inc.h | 30 +++++++------- 4 files changed, 60 insertions(+), 58 deletions(-) diff --git a/src/cutscenes/intro.inc.h b/src/cutscenes/intro.inc.h index c908066353..60ee54a792 100644 --- a/src/cutscenes/intro.inc.h +++ b/src/cutscenes/intro.inc.h @@ -7,78 +7,80 @@ T_NARRATOR("— The Hakurei Shrine\n"), T_NARRATOR("The shrine at the border of fantasy and reality.\n"), T_NARRATOR("Three heroines of Gensōkyō sat drinking tea on a calm day at the end of summer.\n"), - T_NARRATOR("There was something unsettling in the air—"), { 0 }, }}, { "cutscenes/opening/01", { - T_MARISA("What’s got ya both so down? Did I mess up the tea?"), - T_NARRATOR("\nReimu and Yōmu shared a knowing glance.\n"), - T_REIMU("The tea’s fine. I just feel weird. I can’t put my finger on it."), - T_YOUMU("I’m feeling something similar, I’m afraid."), + T_MARISA("Nothing beats iced tea at this time of year!"), + T_MARISA("Anyway, what brings you up here, Yōmu?"), + T_YOUMU("Some relaxation away from the Netherworld. It’s been a bit stressful recently."), + T_REIMU("Huh? Really?"), + T_YOUMU("Nothing to concern yourself with, of course—"), + { 0 }, }}, { "cutscenes/opening/01", { - T_NARRATOR("The bells of the shrine tolled outside. Someone had made a donation.\n"), - T_NARRATOR("A minute later, there was another.\n"), - T_NARRATOR("And another."), + T_NARRATOR("Outside, the bells of the shrine tolled."), + T_NARRATOR("Someone had made a donation!\n"), + T_NARRATOR("A minute later, another donation was made. And another a moment later."), + T_NARRATOR("Eventually, there was one being made every couple of seconds.\n"), { 0 }, }}, { "cutscenes/opening/01", { - T_REIMU("Something’s definitely not right…"), + T_REIMU("Who the heck is causing all that noise?!"), T_YOUMU("Isn’t it normally comforting for the shrine to receive donations?"), - T_REIMU("Normally it *would* be comforting, but…"), + T_REIMU("W-Well, sure, but—"), { 0 }, }}, { "cutscenes/reimu_bad/01", { - T_NARRATOR("Outside the shrine, nearly every resident of Yōkai Mountain was lined up one after another.\n"), - T_NARRATOR("Everyone seemed vaguely fearful."), + T_NARRATOR("Outside the shrine, nearly every resident of Yōkai Mountain was standing around in their own little groups, talking amongst themselves, as if it were some sort of party.\n"), + T_NARRATOR("Everyone seemed vaguely stressed."), { 0 }, }}, { "cutscenes/opening/02", { - T_REIMU("Eh? What’s all this, then?"), + T_REIMU("Eh? What are you all doing here?"), T_KANAKO("We’ve come to ask a favour."), T_MARISA("What kinda favour?"), { 0 }, }}, { "cutscenes/opening/02", { - T_NARRATOR("A mysterious force was slowly causing yōkai and humans alike to succumb to an intense feeling of “knowing everything.”\n"), - T_NARRATOR("It would start with figuring out trivial problems that they’d been struggling with - a technical issue with a machine, or coming up with the perfect newspaper headline.\n"), - T_NARRATOR("But as it progressed, they’d become completely enthralled by it, unable to act rationally.\n"), - T_NARRATOR("Yōkai Mountain was usually protected by the Moriya shrine maiden, but even she had been carried away into madness."), + T_NARRATOR("A mysterious force was slowly causing yōkai and humans alike to succumb to an intense feeling of “grasping for knowledge.”\n"), + T_NARRATOR("Trivial problems would become instantly solvable - a technical issue with a machine, or coming up with the perfect newspaper headline…\n"), + T_NARRATOR("Or they would simply exposit on their favourite subjects beyond the ability for anyone to understand.\n"), + T_NARRATOR("As time went on, though, it began to take on a troubling tone…\n"), { 0 }, }}, { "cutscenes/opening/02", { - T_SUWAKO("Sanae just keeps talking about ‘video game consoles.’"), - T_MARISA("Eh? Like those toys you hook up to TVs, the kind you find at Kōrindō?"), + T_SUWAKO("Sanae just keeps talking about those video game consoles of hers."), + T_MARISA("Eh? Like those toys you hook up to TVs, the kinds you find litterin’ up Kōrindō?"), T_KANAKO("Right, but she just won’t stop. I’ve seen her excited, but not like this."), { 0 }, }}, { "cutscenes/opening/03", { T_SUMIREKO("Hmm. Quite fascinating."), - T_REIMU("Where the heck did *you* come from?!"), + T_REIMU("Where the heck did *you* come from?! Shouldn't you be off working at the store?"), T_SUMIREKO("I couldn’t help overhearing your conversation. Based on my gut feeling, and what you’ve described, the answer is obvious."), T_YOUMU("Is that so? Care to share it with us?"), { 0 }, }}, { "cutscenes/opening/03", { - T_SUMIREKO("Some entity on Yōkai Mountain is emitting a powerful eldritch lunacy, likely in all directions from a singular point, given how indiscriminate it is."), - T_SUMIREKO("Too much knowledge all at once… mm, mm, it can potentially be fatal, at least for those with weaker minds."), - T_MARISA("Heh, wanna handle it then, Sumi?"), + T_SUMIREKO("Some entity on Yōkai Mountain is emitting a powerful eldritch lunacy, in all directions and from a singular point, given how indiscriminate it is."), + T_SUMIREKO("Too much knowledge all at once… mm, mm, it can potentially be fatal, at least for those with… weaker minds."), + T_MARISA("Hah. Wanna handle it yourself then, Sumi?"), T_SUMIREKO("A-ah, n-no, you all know the lay of the land better, a-after all, and with it being such a dire situation—"), { 0 }, }}, { "cutscenes/opening/04", { T_NARRATOR("Yōmu became distracted at the sight of Lady Yuyuko peeking out from behind the Moriya Gods.\n"), T_YOUMU("Lady Yuyuko, why are you—?"), - T_YUYUKO("The spirits seem drawn to Yōkai Mountain as well, as if they long for something. It’s growing difficult to placate them all…"), + T_YUYUKO("The spirits in the Netherworld are going completely mad! It’s just too much to handle for me right now…"), T_YOUMU("I see. Shall I investigate as well?"), - T_YUYUKO("Please do."), + T_YUYUKO("If you would, please!"), { 0 }, }}, { "cutscenes/locations/hakurei", { - T_NARRATOR("Elsewhere at the shrine, the kappa were all huddled into a group, talking intensely in hushed tones…\n"), + T_NARRATOR("Elsewhere at the shrine, the kappa were all huddled into a group, talking intensely in hushed tones.\n"), T_NARRATOR("And the tengu were furiously scribbling on their notepads, as if they’d just gotten the scoop of their careers.\n"), - T_NARRATOR("Even here, away from Yōkai Mountain, the effects of the so-called ‘eldritch lunacy’ seemed to be reaching everyone…"), + T_NARRATOR("Even here, away from Yōkai Mountain, the effects of the so-called ‘eldritch lunacy’ seemed to be affecting everyone…"), { 0 }, }}, { NULL } diff --git a/src/cutscenes/marisa_bad_end.inc.h b/src/cutscenes/marisa_bad_end.inc.h index 823a88321c..c8c9231051 100644 --- a/src/cutscenes/marisa_bad_end.inc.h +++ b/src/cutscenes/marisa_bad_end.inc.h @@ -10,9 +10,9 @@ }}, { "cutscenes/marisa_bad/01", { T_NARRATOR("A nervous witch sat flipping through endless stacks of books, drinking tea instead of her usual sake…\n"), - T_MARISA("Hey Patchy, do ya got any more books on Magitech?"), + T_MARISA("Hey Patchy, do ya got any more books on magitech?"), T_PATCHOULI("Yes, but I doubt they’ll be of much use. That machine is beyond that subject entirely."), - T_MARISA("Ugh, yer probably right, as usual."), + T_MARISA("Ugh, you’re probably right, as usual."), { 0 }, }}, { "cutscenes/marisa_bad/01", { @@ -23,17 +23,17 @@ { 0 }, }}, { "cutscenes/marisa_bad/01", { - T_FLANDRE("I could destroy it! Make it go BOOM!"), + T_FLANDRE("I could destroy it! Blow it sky high!"), T_MARISA("Gah! … now what did I say about sneakin’ up on people, Flan?"), T_FLANDRE("Sorry!"), - T_PATCHOULI("Thank you for the offer, Flandre, but no."), + T_PATCHOULI("Thank you for the offer, Flandre, but I think it’s already ‘sky high’."), T_FLANDRE("Awww… how boring…"), { 0 }, }}, { "cutscenes/marisa_bad/02", { T_NARRATOR("After having tea with the pair of them, Marisa wandered the stacks, looking for inspiration.\n"), - T_NARRATOR("Suddenly, she felt as if she'd stepped into a pothole, tripping and falling flat on her face.\n"), - T_NARRATOR("When she looked back at the floor, she didn’t see anything except the expertly-organized rows of immaculate bookshelves.\n"), + T_NARRATOR("Suddenly, she felt as if she'd found a loose floorboard, tripping and falling flat on her face.\n"), + T_NARRATOR("When she looked back to see what she'd tripped on, she didn’t see anything except the immaculate and expertly-organized rows of bookshelves.\n"), T_NARRATOR("Then, she noticed something cold and thin underneath her hand."), { 0 }, }}, @@ -45,7 +45,7 @@ { 0 }, }}, { "cutscenes/marisa_bad/02", { - T_NARRATOR("Practical & Advanced Computational Applications of the Grand Unified Theory\n\n"), + T_NARRATOR("Advanced & Practical Computational Applications of the Grand Unified Theory\n\n"), T_NARRATOR("— by Usami Renko"), { 0 }, }}, diff --git a/src/cutscenes/marisa_extra_intro.inc.h b/src/cutscenes/marisa_extra_intro.inc.h index 56234a0add..6f5924906b 100644 --- a/src/cutscenes/marisa_extra_intro.inc.h +++ b/src/cutscenes/marisa_extra_intro.inc.h @@ -11,13 +11,13 @@ { "cutscenes/marisa_extra/01", { T_PATCHOULI("I get such a nervous feeling around the newcomers…"), T_MARISA("They're fine, they're fine! Look at ‘er, isn’t she kinda cute?"), - T_PATCHOULI("Sure, but… you said you knew them, from another world?"), + T_PATCHOULI("Sure… so, you said you knew them, from another world?"), T_MARISA("Well, another me knew another them in another world."), { 0 }, }}, { "cutscenes/marisa_extra/01", { - T_MARISA("Actually, I kinda saw every possible iteration of myself, spannin’ out over infinity, folding onto ourselves, kinda like a really incredible katana gettin’ forged. It was intense!"), - T_PATCHOULI("It’s just like you to accidentally see the Time Knife…"), + T_MARISA("Actually, I kinda saw every possible iteration of myself, spannin’ out over infinity, folding onto ourselves, kinda like a really incredible blade gettin’ forged. It was intense!"), + T_PATCHOULI("It’s just like you to accidentally see the Temporal Sabre…"), T_MARISA("The what-now?"), { 0 }, }}, @@ -43,7 +43,7 @@ }}, { "cutscenes/marisa_extra/01", { T_REMILIA("Forgive the young witch, she’s such a spoil-sport at times."), - T_KURUMI("Mm, indeed~."), + T_KURUMI("Mm, indeed~"), T_MARISA("Ugh, and after I said y’all were cool…"), { 0 }, }}, @@ -68,8 +68,8 @@ { "cutscenes/marisa_extra/02", { T_KURUMI("Y-you saw me back there, right?! You were there! I didn’t do anything!"), T_MARISA("Hey, nobody's accusin’ ya of anythin’. All ya did was shut a door, right? To keep the fairies out?"), - T_KURUMI("Y-yeah! But… but maybe it’s like that phrase? ‘One door closes, another opens'?"), - T_MARISA("What do ya mean?"), + T_KURUMI("Y-yeah! But…"), + T_MARISA("Hmm? What is it?"), { 0 }, }}, { "cutscenes/marisa_extra/02", { @@ -84,13 +84,13 @@ { 0 }, }}, { "cutscenes/marisa_extra/02", { - T_KURUMI("But, uh, you know, there might be a really powerful enemy there now? So please be careful???"), + T_KURUMI("But, uh, you know, there might be a really powerful enemy there now? So be careful???"), T_MARISA("Aw, are ya worried about me? That’s cute."), { 0 }, }}, { "cutscenes/marisa_extra/02", { - T_NARRATOR("Marisa grinned and magically summoned her broom, mounting it deftly, and shooting right out of an open window in a flash.\n"), - T_NARRATOR("Her sights were set on the Tower that loomed and rumbled on the top of Yōkai Mountain…"), + T_NARRATOR("Marisa grinned and summoned her broom, mounting it deftly, and sped right out of an open window in a flash.\n"), + T_NARRATOR("Her sights were set on the Tower, the omnious epicentre that loomed and rumbled on the top of Yōkai Mountain…"), { 0 }, }}, { NULL } diff --git a/src/cutscenes/marisa_good_end.inc.h b/src/cutscenes/marisa_good_end.inc.h index a536902ccc..642df1c9fe 100644 --- a/src/cutscenes/marisa_good_end.inc.h +++ b/src/cutscenes/marisa_good_end.inc.h @@ -11,12 +11,13 @@ { "cutscenes/locations/moriya", { T_NARRATOR("Once defeated, the newcomers agreed to turn off their ‘Tower of Babel’.\n"), T_NARRATOR("Elly and Kurumi were made to scrub the floors of the Moriya Shrine…\n"), - T_NARRATOR("… which had become filthy from the local fairies partying non-stop, and some ‘political demonstrations’ by the newly-formed ‘Insect Party’."), + T_NARRATOR("… which had become filthy from the local kappa partying non-stop…"), + T_NARRATOR("… and some so-called ‘political demonstrations’ by the newly-formed ‘Insect Party’."), { 0 }, }}, { "cutscenes/locations/moriya", { T_SANAE("—which had a brand new math co-processor, allowing it to have advanced vector processing capabilities. Combined with other improvements, such as its DVD drive—"), - T_ELLY("Ah, I see. Facinating. Wow. Incredible."), + T_ELLY("Ah, I see. Facinating. Incredible."), T_KANAKO("You two having fun?"), T_ELLY("… y-yes, ma’am."), { 0 }, @@ -24,11 +25,11 @@ { "cutscenes/locations/moriya", { T_KANAKO("Seems like it’s taking a bit more time for the madness to wear off for her. How’s all that ‘knowledge’ working out for you, newcomer?"), T_SANAE("I remembered way more about retro video game consoles than I wanted to! And now *you’ve* gotta deal with it!"), - T_NARRATOR("\nElly nodded and smiled politely, trying to hold back tears of boredom."), + T_NARRATOR("\nElly, despite her politeness, struggled to hold back tears of boredom."), { 0 }, }}, { "cutscenes/locations/moriya", { - T_NARRATOR("In the end, the newcomers seemed to calm down once the effects of the Tower had worn off, just like everyone else in Gensōkyō.\n"), + T_NARRATOR("In the end, the newcomers seemed to settle down once the effects of the Tower had worn off, like everyone else in Gensōkyō.\n"), T_NARRATOR("During an early afternoon, Marisa arrived with a picnic basket and a grin on her face."), { 0 }, }}, @@ -42,13 +43,12 @@ { "cutscenes/marisa_good/01", { T_ELLY("Isn’t it a little early for that?"), T_MARISA("Oh c’mon, it’s noon somewhere in the infinite multiverse, ain’t it?"), - T_NARRATOR("\nElly laughed. She wanted an excuse for a break anyways.\n"), - T_NARRATOR("And so, they drank, and caught up on alternate worlds, uncanny timelines, and the strangeness of their circumstances.\n"), { 0 }, }}, { "cutscenes/marisa_good/02", { - T_MARISA("I mean, ‘course ya lost. Mathematics has always had a soft spot for magic. Don’t ya know about Isaac Newton?"), - T_ELLY("The famous European mathematician? I studied his works, yes. But what about him?"), + T_NARRATOR("And so, they drank, and caught up on alternate worlds, uncanny timelines, and the strangeness of their circumstances.\n"), + T_MARISA("I mean, ‘course ya lost. Mathematics has always had a soft spot for magic. Don’t ya know about that one guy, Isaac Newton?"), + T_ELLY("The famous European mathematician? I studied his works, yes, while I lived in the Tower. Very foundational. But what about him?"), T_MARISA("He was an Alchemist!"), T_ELLY("He was a… what?!"), { 0 }, @@ -57,13 +57,13 @@ T_MARISA("Yup. There’s even a copy of his occult book down at the library I frequent."), T_MARISA("He was into a lotta wild stuff."), T_MARISA("Kinda funny ya hadn’t heard of that, actually."), - T_ELLY("Hah. That… *is* kind of funny, actually. I never ran across any of *those* books of his…"), + T_ELLY("Hah. I never ran across any of *those* books of his…"), { 0 }, }}, { "cutscenes/marisa_good/02", { T_MARISA("Oh, cheer up, will ya? Y’all’ll get to chill out here for a long as ya like."), T_ELLY("But what if this Gensōkyō collapses, too…?"), - T_MARISA("It could! The Hakurei Barrier could fall tomorrow! But what’s the point in worryin’ about all that?"), + T_MARISA("What’s the point in worryin’ about all that?"), T_MARISA("Right now, I say we enjoy what we got!"), { 0 }, }}, @@ -75,16 +75,16 @@ { 0 }, }}, { "cutscenes/marisa_good/02", { - T_MARISA("Yeah! A while ago, I was cookin’ up some especially powerful ones I found in a cave near the one-armed hermit’s house…"), - T_MARISA("And then, BOOM, there was a small explosion!"), + T_MARISA("Yeah! A while ago, I was cookin’ up some especially powerful ones I found in a cave on this very mountain…"), + T_MARISA("And then, BOOM, there was an explosion!"), T_MARISA("Before I knew it was seein’ all sorts’a ‘versions’ of myself out there. My lives were flashin’ before my eyes!"), T_MARISA("Anyway, took me a bit, but I kinda remembered that vampire girl Kurumi, and when I saw ya, and I was like, ‘Whoa, really?! For real?!’"), { 0 }, }}, { "cutscenes/marisa_good/02", { - T_ELLY("That’s ridiculous. You’re ridiculous."), - T_ELLY("But I suppose in a place like Gensōkyō, that’s not even that strange…"), - T_ELLY("… and you were such a child when I met you. It’s odd to see you all grown up, even if it’s another you entirely."), + T_ELLY("That’s ridiculous."), + T_ELLY("But I suppose in a place like Gensōkyō, it’s not even that strange…"), + T_ELLY("The version I knew of you was just a child, too."), T_MARISA("I’ll have you know that I’m not a day wiser! Gahaha!"), { 0 }, }},