Drawer7Part3.txt

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Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
Extracted on Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

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CAPT. BLI
R. L. Parker
09/Feb/1965

She can't wear open toe shoes - slides right thru them.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Ople Hoffman
20/Jun/1967

Captain Bligh joined a political party.
She's in a splinter group.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Ople Hoffman
20/Jun/1967

Captain Bligh is so flat, she won the title of
"Miss Plateau."

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Ople Hoffman
20/Jun/1967
When Captain Bligh wears a black wig, she looks like a ball point pen.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Ople Hoffman
20/Jun/1967

Captain Bligh thinks she's a sweater girl because she's shaped like a
knitting needle.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Charles W. Parker, V.S.M.
11/JUL/1967

She's so homely, Avon doesn't call... they write!

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Charles W. Parker, V.S.M.
11/JUL/1967
Fang's sister is the funniest built woman you ever saw... she wears a
turtle neck bra.

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CAPT. BLI
Charles W. Parker, V.S.M.
11/JUL/1967

Fang's sister is the emotional type.  Wears a charm bracelet made out of
razor blades.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Dorothy Reynolds
19/JUL/1967

Captain Bligh went shopping at the Army and Navy Store.
She tried to buy a surplus soldier.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Dorothy Reynolds
19/JUL/1967

Captain Bligh is so dumb she thinks that a "slip of the
tongue" is underwear you wear in your mouth.

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CAPT. BLI
Dorothy Reynolds
31/JUL/1967
Captain Bligh has a wedding veil hanging on her
bedpost. In case of an emergency.

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CAPT. BLI
Robert M. Strozier, Jr.
01/AUG/1967
She's so skinny she can see-saw alone.

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CAPT. BLI
Robert M. Strozier, Jr.
01/AUG/1967

She's so dumb she sweeps the floor with the wrong end of the broom.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Ople Hoffman
27/SEP/1967

Talk about skinny. Everytime Captain Bligh walks through the park, she
gets a horseshoe thrown around her.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Ople Hoffman
27/Sep/1967
Captain Bligh is such a prude, she says fertility rites make gardens
grow.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Ople Hoffman
07/Nov/1967
The only time Captain Bligh has been hugged was by a bear in
Yellowstone Park.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Ople Hoffman
07/NOV/1967

Captain Bligh's life is so boring, when she goes to confession, it's like
Red Skelton's Silent Spot.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Ople Hoffman
07/NOV/1967
Captain Bligh wears her low cut dresses backwards. Her shoulder
blades are more prominent than her chest.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT BLI
Ople Hoffman
07/NOV/1967
Captain Bligh is so innocent, she thinks Krafft-Ebing is a kind of cheese.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Larry DiGirolamo
09/OCT/1964
I wear a string of garlic around my neck to ward off the evil spirits ....  His
mother and sister.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Larry DiGirolamo
23/JUL/1964

His sister is skinny ... she tried sleeping on a bed of nails and she fell
through.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Sallie Bristow
24/OCT/1964
Her life is so dull her diary reads like a weather report.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. BLi
Charlotte Holicker
07/NOV/1964

My sister-in-law's been going with the same guy for
25 years - Hell, they'd get married tomorrow, but they're
tied up with engagement showers.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Bill Daley
21/DEC/1964

Last Hallowe'en we won the prize for the most horrible looking pumpkin.
We traced it from graduation picture of Fang's sister.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Dave Riddle
14/DEC/1964
Fang's sister can't hold her liquor either - She staggers on 2 glasses of
Kool-Aid.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Dave Riddle
14/DEC/1964

She gets Drunk on Chasers.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
R. L. Parker
09/FEB/1965

She looks like something that never snapped back from a stretch.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
R. L. Parker
09/FEB/1965

When she takes a breath it lifts her off the ground.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT.BLI
R. L. Parker
09/FEB/1965
She wore a real low cut dress to a party and got up suddenly and came
right out on top.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Phyllis Gag
NOV 1964
She had an hour glass figure - with 50 minutes gone.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Ople Hoffman
March 29, 1965

CAPT. BLIGH - She was invited to a masquerade party.
She wore a red and white striped dress and went as
a barber pole.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Ople Hoffman
29/Mar/1965
She went to a rodeo, got too close to a bull and came home with a
gored skirt.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Ople Hoffman
29/Mar/1965
Capt. Bligh - -
She put a wedding dress in layaway. She'll probably be laid away in it.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Ople Hoffman
29/Mar/1965
In the Columbus Day Parade, she represented the world as it was
thought to be before 1492 - FLAT.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Ople Hoffman
29/Mar/1965
She went on a hayride. She looked like a needle in a hay-stack.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Ople Hoffman
29/Mar/1965
She looks like she spilled spot remover on her chest.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Ray Rieves
09/JAN/1965

Fang's sister has nothing but bad luck looking for a husband. Once she
got a man to the altar and the minister chickened out.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Lillian Daniels
16/FEB/1965

My sister-in-law has a striking face - looks like a bulls-eye for a bolt of
lightning.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
16/FEB/1965
C. Winn Upchurch
On her stretch pants Pucker. (Capt. Bligh)

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CAPT. BLI
16/FEB/1965
Mrs. B.C. Reynolds
Capt. Bligh - on her only date - he lost her - they went for a walk and she
slipped thru a sidewalk grating.

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CAPT. BLI
16/FEB/1965
Charles W. Parker
Fang's sister put a piece of wedding cake under he pillow and had a
dream - about ants.

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CAPT. BLI
16/FEB/1965
Dorothy Borrillo
She never goes outdoors after a hot shower because when her pores
are open the wind blows thru her. Makes a whistling sound.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
16/FEB/1965
Dorothy Borrillo
Skinny? When she's cold, she gets one goosepimple.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Mrs. Robert E. Dahl
01/JUN/1965
I'm a little suspicious about the fur coat Fang gave me for Christmas. I
haven't seen his sister since the coat came.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Bill Daley
06/20/1965
When we went on our wedding trip - Fang's sister was pretty upset. We
stole her car.

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CAPT. BLI
Mary Duclos
06/JUN/1965

I wouldn't say my sister-in-law has big feet, but when it snowed last
week, everyone kept asking to borrow them.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Ople Hoffman
June 1, 1965

Capt. Bligh.
She's so dumb, she can't talk to a man without cue cards.

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CAPT. BLI
C. Winn Upchurch
20/JUN/1965

(Capt. Bligh)
Her only cleavage is in the palms of her hand.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
C. Winn Upchurch
20/JUN/1965
Capt. Bligh is a very skinny woman. On her stretch pants don't.

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CAPT. BLI
Frank Fox
20/JUN/1965
She missed being Miss America by 2 feet, 12 inches on each hip.

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CAPT. BLI
Mary McBride
01/JUN/1965
She is so skinny the only time she ever got asked for a date was when
she had the mumps.

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CAPT. BLI
Mary McBride
1/JUN/1965

Fang's sister just had all the locks changed on her doors. No one ever
broke in.

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CAPT. BLI
MARY MCBRIDE
01/JUN/1965

Fang's sister is so man-crazy, she's thrilled when a man cuts in on her in
traffic.

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CAPT. BLI
Larry DiGirolamo
23/JUL/1964
Fang wouldn't touch work with a 10-foot pole.. but why bring his sister
into it?

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CAPT. BLI
Charlotte Holicker
10/MAY/1965

She's so skinny - she sat on a pin cushion and only way we could tell
her from the needles - she's the one with 2 eyes.

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Capt. Bli
C. Winn Upchurch
20/JUN/1965

His mother and sister are quite a pair.  Moby is Fatso, and Bligh is
Flatso!

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Capt. Bli
Bill Daley
20/JUN/1965

She was nice enough before the wedding.  In fact she was the one who
arranged my bridal bouquet.  I remember that bouquet very well,
because just after I threw it - it went off.

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CAPT. BLI
Dorothy Borrillo
01/JUN/1965
When she takes headache pills they slide to her feet.

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CAPT. BLI
Dorothy Borrillo
01/JUN/1965

I can see why she doesn't eat much. There's no place for it to go after
she swallows it.

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CAPT. BLI
R. E. Connell
20/JUN/1965
Capt. Bligh
She's improved her makeup, too. Now she wears DECALS!

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Capt. Bli
Dorothy Reynolds
28/Jun/1965

Capt. Bligh - the biggest bulge on her body is an eyeball.

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Capt. Bli
Mary McBride
20/Jul/1965

Fang's sister is so man crazy. She's moving to a town with less police
protection.

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CAPT. BLI
Alex Baruch
20/JUL/1965

The last time she went to a doctor, he sent her to a specialist - a
mortician.

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CAPT. BLI
Alex Baruch
20/JUL/1965

He said he couldn't bury her until her condition improved.

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Capt. Bli
Alex Baruch
20/JUL/1965

She's so thin, she follows her shadow.

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Capt. Bli
Mrs. Lillian Daniels
23/Jul/1964

If it wasn't for her Adams apple, she would have no shape at all!

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Mary McBride
21/MAR/1966

Fang's sister is so desperate, she uses Chanel No. 10.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Ople Hoffman
10/MAR/1967

Even Captain Bligh's feet are flat.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Bill Daley
17/Mar/1967

I saw Fang's sister today. She looks pretty good. They had her clipped.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Charles W. Parker
March 17, 1967

Fang's sister has just turned 35... a turned 35 is 53.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Charles W. Parker
17/Mar/1967

She lied so much about her age she can't start collecting Social Security
until she's eighty-four.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Dave Riddle
20/MAR/1967

Fang's sister really didn't come from the other side of the tracks...She
was the track.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Edward J. Beckwith
12/Apr/1967

I'm sexier than Fang's sister. She's so skinny she has to walk with her
knees together to keep her nylons up.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Edward J. Beckwith
12/APR/1967

She got in an accident once and laid on the street for two hours before
anybody noticed her. She was wearing a white dress and they thought
she was the white line.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Charles W. Parker
12/APR/1967

The thing my sister-in-law drives has a stick shift -- it's a broom.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Charles W. Parker
12/Apr/1967

Her chin sags so bad the caps on her teeth look like a string of pearls.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Charles W. Parker
12/APR/1967

I have a sister-in-law who makes a comfortable living cashing in double
your money back guarantees.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Ople Hoffman
20/Jun/1967

Captain Bligh wanted shoes to match her dress, so she bought
[[underline]]flats[[/underline]].

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Ople Hoffman
June 20, 1967

She even lives in a flat.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Mrs. Leona Toppel
09/OCT/1964

My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a watch band installed in her
car to use as a seat belt.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Ople Hoffman
Oct. 9, 1964

Every one greets her by yelling, "Hiyo Slivver!"

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
CURRENT COMEDY
09/APR/1990

Some people's hobby is putting a ship in a bottle. Captain Hazelwood
put a bottle in a ship.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Buddy Baron
09/APR/1990
Capt. Hazelwood looking for job again ... he's got applications in at
Greyhound and Northwest Airlines.....

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

CAPT. BLI
BUDDY BARON
02/APR/1990

Northwest captain had 14 drinks.. the peanuts alone should have killed
him....

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli: SKINNY SISTER
Londos D'Arrigo
Dec/1983

She once dated a guy who was Four F's from the Salvation Army.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Skinny Sister
Lee Haas
APR/1983

My sister-in-law has taken music, then art and last week she was caught
taking jewelry.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli: Skinny Sister
Robert Bruce
APR/1983
When she spends the night at my house, she sleeps in the umbrella
rack.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Skinny Sister: Capt. Bli
Robert Bruce
APR/1983

Finally, a guy she went out with seemed to be interested. He took her up
to Lover's Leap. She looked into his eyes and started to move closer to
him. And then, he made his move he jumped.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Skinny Sister: Capt. Bli
Londos D'Arriga
15/FEB/1983
She's such a dog, she bought a set of bone china -- came home and
buried it.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
L.E. Peters
SEP/1982

Fang's sister won an ET look-a-like contest.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Tom Padovano
SEP/1982

She's so ugly her picture in the post office says, "Not Wanted".

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Jeff Sawyer
SEP/1982

I've seen more cleavage on plywood.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI

8/12/82

Gene Perret

ET has a long neck and a face like a
turtle and greenish skin. It sound like
FANG'S SISTER

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Betty Thomas
1/1982

She's so thin she wears false eyelashes to keep warm.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
ORBEN
21/OCT/1981

The only way she's going to get to heaven --
is to die under an assumed name.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli: Moby-Ugly
Phyllis Gag
SEPT/1981

If Moses had seen her - there'd be another Commandment.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Phyllis Gag
MAY/1981

Fang's sister - she died of fur balls - I told her not to lick her fur coat.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Ellen Hildreth
10/FEB/1981

Fang's sister - she can count the dates she's had on one paw.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Paul Batson
25/FEB/1980
Fang's sister is so skinny a guy tried to inflate her at a party/

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Cheap Laughs
APR/1979

Fang's sister (Capt. Bli) When she goes to the park the pigeons feed
HER.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Phyllis Gag
SEP/1976

Capt. Bli -- She used to model white lines for hi-ways.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
John Sarko
1977
Fang's sister is so skinny- [[strikethrough]]when[[/strikethrough]] she
gets all dressed up and wears a string of pearls.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Mrs. Jean L. Roush
03/MAR/1978
Captain Bli -- She eventually fell thru a hole in her dress and hung
herself.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
PD
1977

Her eyes look like two pools -- cess!

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
PD
1977
Her eyebrows look like 2 catapillars mating.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT BLI.
1977

Her nose looks like a wind sock.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPTAIN BLI
Orben Gags
APR/76

Captain Bli is so skinny, you know how some women have curves? She
has corners.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
ORBEN GAGS
APR/1976

Captain Bli is so skinny, you know how some women have curves?  She
has corners.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Tom Perew
APR/1976

Fang's sister is so ugly she finally went into a convent. The sisters call
her Atilla the Nun.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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SKINNY SISTER
C. Tony Liloia
MAY/1985

A guy took my very skniiy sister to dinner the other day...the waiter
asked him if he wanted to check his fancy umbrella.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Vicki Woodyard
APR/1976

Fang's sister's life is so dull. You know what's in her scrapebook--
SCRAPS!

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Orben
MAY/1975

Capt. Bli took up Yoga. She got stuck in the Lotus position--now she's a
model in a pretzel factory.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPTAIN BLI
James Kahlert
30/SEP/1974

If Columbus thought the world was flat, he should see Fang's sister.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Londos D'Arrago
26/DEC/1972

She's so frigid, she had a fever and her temperature got all the way up
to 50.  She was Miss Popsicle Stick of 1972.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Donald J. Nolan
26/DEC/72

Fang's sister:  "I told her it takes more than will power to hold up a
strapless gown.  She's standing there with it around her ankles.  It
looked like somebody had tied her feet together.  Now she holds it up
with a garter belt around her neck."

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Robert L. Mills
26/DEC/1972

BLI-She says her clothes fit like a glove--Yeah! A boxing glove!

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Robert L. Mills
26/DEC/1972

BLI - She can watch television and crack walnuts at the same time.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Londos D'Arrigo
18/SEP/1972

BLI - Her teeth are yellow. Her liver backed up.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Londos D'Arrigo
18/SEP/1972

BLI-She's so skinny, she has to eat spaghetti one at a time.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Londos D'Arrigo
18/SEP/1972
BLI - Her arms are so skinny, she wears lifesavers as bracelets. Her
fingers look like string unraveling.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Londos D'Arrigo
18/SEP/1972

BLI - She was arrested for NOT resisting an officer.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Londos D'Arrigo
18/SEP/1972

She's so ugly, she looks like something the cat dragged OUT.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Londos D'Arrigo
18/SEP/1972

Her teeth are so crooked, we use them for pinking shears.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Birdie V. Draper
31/MAY/1972

She's so ugly her face stops clocks in three time zones.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
John Hughes
31/MAY/1972

CAPT. BLI - She's so dumb she went to an employment agency to get a
nose job.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Kenneth Savickas
12/MAY/1972

Capt. Bli is so flat-chested, she stuffed sponges in her bra.  She got
caught in a rain storm one day and got arrested for wringing out her
chest.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Mary McBride
25/APR/1972

Fang's sister is so skinny, one day she wore a flowered hat and
somebody tried to pick her.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Bob Walton
2/FEB/1972

Last year at a costume party she dressed up in a rubber suit and went
as a windshield wiper.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Bob Walton
2/FEB/1972

In a white dress, she looks like a piece of chalk.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
George Tricker
2/FEB/1972

One day I nearly died laughing at BLI. She got off the subway and was
trying to explain to Mother Ding-A-Ling a glove in her underwear (or)
You try to explain a glove in your underwear.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Phyllis Gag
22/NOV/1971

She's so skinny, she sat down to play the piano and cut the bench in
two.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI

Phyllis Gag

11/10/71

Capt. Bli is so skinny, when she
goes to her ballet lesson - she
doesn't wear a tu-tu; she wears
a one-one.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Phyllis Gag
10/Nov/1971
Someone said: "To cure a hangover, take a "hair-of-the-dog" -- Capt. Bli
(is so ugly) took offense. Though they were talking about her.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Pat McCormick
10/Nov/1971
She's so ugly, when she goes to the beach, the snails get up to 40 miles
per hour.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt Bli
Gary Greenfield
18/Sep/1972
BLI - Her shadow weighs more than she does.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Gary Greenfield
18/Sep/1972
BLI - Her doctor wanted to remove a pendulous mole. It was her nose.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Gaye D. Horsley
18/Sep/1972
BLI - The bags under her eyes are her cheeks.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Phyllis Diller
28/Nov/1972
CAPT. BLI - She opened the refrigerator and got pneumonia.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Phyllis Diller
28/Nov/1972
CAPT. BLI - She keeps the house so hot the sprinkler system turned on.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Phyllis Diller =
28/Nov/1972
CAPT BLI - She's so desperate, she accepts obscene phone calls
collect.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Phyllis Gag
28/Nov/1972
Masquerade Party - I put 12 pieces of tape across my body and went as
a ruler.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Phyllis Diller
24/Oct/1972
My legs -- one day a guy picked me up. He was going to make a wish.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Phyllis Diller
24/Oct/1972
The doctors don't take her pulse... you can see it!

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Londos D'Arrigo
28/Jul/1972
I'm so desperate, I accept obscene phone calls collect!

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Drew Henderson
28/Jul/1972
Skinny! She wears a garter around her neck to hold up her body
stocking.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Phyllis Gag
9/Jun/1972
I had a nose that looked like a windsock.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Michele Evans
21/Dec/1970
[[underline]] CAPT. BLI [[/underline]].... She's been in 78 productions of
"Pinocchio".

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Michele Evans
21/Dec/1970
CAPT. BLI ... I've never seen such a long nose. She works part time as
a police dog.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Mr. Clint Waters
29/Apr/1969
Captain Bli was standing at the curb one day - a guy parked his car - put
a nickle in her mouth and twisted her nose.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Gene Perret
17/Dec/1968
She wears a Junior Miss Bra, but takes a size 38-D hanky.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Charles W. Parker, V.S.M.
11/Jul/1967
Two days after she had her face lifted, Fang's sister sneezed and now
she has eyebrows on her knee caps.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Gene Perret
17/Dec/1968
She's in excellent condition. She can touch her toes with her nose.....
without bending her neck.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Gene Perret
17/Dec/1968
She's tall and skinny with a big crooked nose. At first glance she looks
like a fish hook.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Phyllis Gag
12/Aug/1970
Capt. Bli was fired from the parachute folding plant ... she got all tangled
up in the ropes ... she made three unscheduled jumps with the chute.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Gene Perret
Unknown
She's so skinny, she calls me busty.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Gene Perret
Unknown
The only way she can wear a strapless dress is to invite a friend in.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Gene Perret
Unknown
The only bust she ever had was of Mozart.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Gene Perret
Unknown
Her ribs stick out so bad. When she wears a tight sweater, she looks like
a xylophone.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Gene Perret
Unknown
One of her dates hugged her and got his fingers caught in her rib cage.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

Capt. Bli
Gene Perret
Unknown date

She once put on a burlap dress and went to a costume party
as an empty bag.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

Capt. Bli
Gene Perret
Unknown date

Her watch always says twelve o'clock.  When she looks at
it Mickey Mouse always cover his eyes.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Gene Perret
Unknown
She was proposed to once, but at the last minute the gun jammed.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Gene Perret
She went out with one guy who actually ran out of gas. Rather than neck
with her, he set fire to the car.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Leona W. Toppel
25/Sept/1970
That sister-in-law of mine sure is stupid. She went to see "Z" because
she thought it was dirtier than an "X-rated" movie.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Peter Kaikko
25/Sep/1970
Fang's sister is so skinny she put on a pair of high heeled shoes and slid
into the toe.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Gene Perret
Unknown
She's so skinny, when she wears a ring, it can slip off her finger ... in
either direction.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Gene Perret
Capt. Bli ... She wore a strapless gown once and I don't know how she
kept it up ... or why?

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Gene Perret
Unknown
Her cup size is a saucer.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Gene Perret
Unknown
Capt. Bli ... There's really nothing to her. She's very ill right now. It's
either a mosquito bite or she's pregnant.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Gene Perret
Unknown
She has the longest feet in the world. From the side, she looks like the
letter 'L'.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Gene Perret
Unknown
In College she was voted the girl most likely to become a hockey stick.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Gene Perret
She's so ugly when she goes to the dentist he works on her from
behind.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Gene Perret
Unknown
She has a fur coat. She skinned a caterpillar.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Gene Perret
Unknown
We've been enemies since the first time we met. She came in to my
house wearing a black dress and I stuffed her into the umbrella stand.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Gene Perret
Unknown
She wears so much foam rubber if she gets caught in the rain she
swells up.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Gene Perret
Unknown
In a bikini, she shows less than most girls hide.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Gene Perret
Unknown
The last time she had a date ... someone lost an election bet.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Gene Perret
unknown
Men never bother her. I mean how fresh can you get with a pipe
cleaner?

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Wally Reed
23/Jun/1970
Capt. Bli played a part in the play JOAN OF ARC.  She was the stake.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Mr. William H. Roberts
8/Jun/1970
Capt. Bli ... She was a paratrooper for the Salvation Army. She was so
light she landed after the parachute.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Tasca Brothers
03/APR/1970
My sister Barfy Barbara was so skinny when she got the measles, she
only got one. Our quarantine sign said, "Danger Measle".

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

CAPT. BLI
Tasca Brothers
03/APR/1970

Her skin rash died from lack of space - it had no place to go.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
A. Robert Miranti
11/Feb/1970
Fang's sister is so flat ... when they measure her chest ... they use a
level.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Leona W. Toppel
19/Nov/1969
My sister-in-law is so skinny that when she gets a bruise she has to
carry it in her purse.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Donald Accornero
30/Oct/1969
Capt. Bli is so frail - she winked at a guy ... and shattered her
[[underline]]CHEEK-BONE[[/underline]].

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Donald Accornero
30/Oct/1969
Capt. Bli - her legs are so skinny ... when she wears white shoes, they
look like [[underline]]Q-TIPS[[/underline]].

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Donald Accornero
30/Oct/1969
She was on Metrecal for a week ... and disappeared completely.
Re: Capt. Bli

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Joseph R. Stodgel
21/Oct/1969
Capt. Bli is so skinny ... once she spent the weekend at our house ...
and we didn't know it.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Tom Decker
14/Oct/1969
Once she was locked up for a week with a sex maniac. Would you
believe it? ... It cured HIM!

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Tom Decker
14/Oct/1969
Capt. Bli! What a homely broad! The last time I saw anything like her, it
got hit chasing a car!

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Barrie Payne
12/Sep/1969
I'm writing a book about Fang's mother and sister and Him.  It's called
"Winken, Blinken, and Stinken."

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Richard Sladovkik
08/Sep/1969
Capt. Bli - on her day off - she works as a pogo stick.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Richard Sladovnik
08/Sep/1969
Capt. Bli - her swimming suit. A diaper and a frayed shoe string.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Phyllis Gag
29/Apr/1969
She wears suspenders to hold up her girdle.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Ople Hoffman
17/Apr/1969
She's working in a laundry doing flat work.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Ople Hoffman
17/Apr/1969
In a dress with a scoop neckline, she looks like an excavation.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Jim Mulholland
16/Jul/1969
My sister-in-law has a strange body. She was a stripper and she used to
entertain at parties by jumping out of a pretzel.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Ople Hoffman
17/Apr/1969
The Dr. told Captain Bli that her stomach trouble was really a chest cold
with no place to go.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Jim Mulholland
15/Jan/1969
Her waist is so small -- if she bent over she'd break in half.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Leona W. Toppel
15/Jan/1969
My sister-in-law, Capt. Bli got a part in a movie about the life of Sophia
Loren; she plays Carlo Ponti.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Stephen G. Allen
17/Feb/1969
Capt. Bli's legs are so skinny that she has to wear snow shoes to walk in
sand on the beach. (Also - in Phyllis' file under proper heading.)

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Gene Perret
17/Dec/1968
You should see his sister, Fang told me she was a beautiful well shaped
girl who did magic tricks. I said: "She looks like a skinny ugly old maid."
"That's her first trick."

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Gene Perret
17/Dec/1968
She sat there in a green dress. I thought the family had a pet string
bean.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Don Bustany
19/Aug/1968
Captain Bligh needs silicone injections to have goose bumps.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Bill Daley
16/Aug/1968
Dad gave this big barbecue. He started to roast a Wild Pig he had
trapped. Boy, did that cause a lot of trouble! It was Fang's sister.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Bob Wieder
21/Sep/1968
Captain Bligh wore one of those paper dresses to a news conference
and one of the reporters tried to slip her into his typewriter. It worked. He
wrote 3 stories on her. Two of them on her chest.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Bill Daley
26/Sep/1968
We have two dogs in the house now. 3, counting Fang's sister.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Leona W. Toppel
27/SEP/1968
My sister-in-law has a part in the Broadway show "Hair"...she plays the
dandruff.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Ople Hoffman
06/Aug/1968
When a man calls Captain Bligh for a date, she's ready in two minutes -
- - FLAT.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Ople Hoffman
29/Jul/1968
Captain Bligh put a poster in the Post Office, "MAN WANTED."

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Ople Hoffman
29/Jul/1968
Captain Bligh decided to have silicone injections. Until then she's
wearing a sign on her chest, "WATCH THIS SPACE FOR FUTURE
CONSTRUCTION."

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Ople Hoffman
29/Jul/1968
The trunk of Captain Bligh's body looks like it's been un packed.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Ople Hoffman
29/Jul/1968
Captain Bligh has a bra made out of magnifying glasses.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Ople Hoffman
16/Jul/1969
Captain Bligh is so skinny, she has a striped dress with one stripe.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Ople Hoffman
16/JUL/1969
Captain Bligh thinks SEX is a Roman numeral.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Shirlee C. Kurtz
21/Jan/1964
She's so fragile she can't lift plastic clothes pins.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Joe Lucas
11/Nov/1963
Boy, were her nails long and sharp .... they're great for cutting linoleum.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Duane Wellman
09/Jan/1965
She's so skinny, she doesn't wear a girdle. She wears a wide rubber
band.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Lillian Daniels
09/JAN/1969
Fang's sister finally found a man and what a Nut! He invented a T.V. set
that he takes to the Ball game to watch what goes on BACK at the
Tavern!

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Lillian Daniels
09/Jan/1965
Fang's sister finally got married yesterday — today it's annuled — her
husband found out her father didn't have a license for the gun!

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLi
Florence Williams
09/JAN/1965
The kids think Fang's sister is magic - - she's so skinny, everytime she
turns sideways, she disappears.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Phyllis Gag
Sep/1964
She's scared of her own shadow — have you seen her shadow?

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Leona Toppel
29/MAR/1965
My sister-in-law has her problems: Every morning she's got to decide
which face to put her makeup on.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Bill Daley
20/Jul/1965
I stopped at the card shop. I sent Fang's sister a 'Get Sick' card.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
C. Winn Upchurch
16/FEB/1965
Captain Bligh - Fang's sister - was standing on the green at the golf
course and a caddy tried to yank her off the ground. They thought she
was a pin.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Bill Daley
20/MAR/1965
Hollywood just named their 14th Tarzan. One of the losers was a
muscular friend of Fang's. His sister. She would have had the part too,
except for one bad break. Alligators. They were afraid of her.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Bill Daley
29/MAR/1965
Her voice coach really had problems. Cheetah learned to say "The rain
in Spain" before she did.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Mrs. Jack Knutson
25/Jan/1965
Fang's sister is so skinny, she has a paper dress. It's a soda straw with
straps!

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Lillian Daniels
20/Jun/1965
My poor sister-in-law finally turned to the church with her Man problem -
- Now she gets a thrill every time the Minister mentions Matthew, Mark,
Luke, and John!
When he throws in Ezekiel, she really flips!

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Lillian Daniels
20/Jun/1965
Fang's sister spent her last cent going to London to see "The changing
of the Guard" - then the Louses wouldn't let her in their Dressing room!

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Barbara Hentschel
09/Jan/1965
My old maid sister-in-law is so eager for a man that the front door
chimes play "Here comes the Bride."

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Barbara Hentschel
09/JAN/1965
My sister-in-law's so stupid. Somebody told her her reputation was
tarnished so she ate a jar of silver polish.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Dorothy Borrillo
01/JUN/1965
She needs a prescription just to get her bra filled.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Dorothy Reynolds
06/JUN/1965
Once she (Captain Bligh) had a date with a short fat guy. They arrived at
this Hallowe'en party and the hostess said: "Look who's here! Jack and
the Beanstalk."

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Leona W. Toppel
11/DEC/1967
That ugly sister-in-law of mine is telling everyone that she was in a big
off-Broadway hit. She was knocked down by a bus in Greenwich Village.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
R. L. Parker
09/FEB/1965
Her dresses have more shape when they're hanging on a nail.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
R. L. Parker
09/FEB/1965
Slacks on her are really slack.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
R. L. Parker
09/FEB/1965
She doesn't look like she's all there - looks more like a slice of
something.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
R. L. Parker
09/FEB/1965
Captain Bligh:
When she sews on course material, she puts the thread in her mouth
and crawls thru the material.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
R. L. Parker
09/Feb/1965
She can pick a lock with her knuckle.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Ople Hoffman
09/OCT/1964
Fang's sister couldn't wear a strapless dress until she had her shoulders
pierced.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLI
Ople Hoffman
09/Oct/1964
She even sings flat.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Ople Hoffman
09/OCT/1964
She can't swim the breast stroke.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Ople Hoffman
09/OCT/1964
No one has ever called her a bosom friend.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Ople Hoffman
09/OCT/1964
Fang's sister is such a birdbrain that I have to line her room with
newspapers.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Leon Marshall
09/OCT/1964
Fang's sister got a job in an insane asylum. She serves soup to nuts.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Marjorie R. Simons
09/OCT/1964
My sister-in-law is so anxious to get married, she keeps a marriage
license in her purse with her name and to whom it may concern.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Dave Riddle
16/OCT/1964
She's so skinny, she's the only woman in the world who can wear a
bikini and feel over dressed.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Dave Riddle
16/OCT/1964
Fang's sister is so thin, once when she took a bubble bath, she got
trapped inside a bubble.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Laura Hines
16/OCT/1964
My skinny sister-in-law was delirious from all the attention she was
getting from the men. She was wearing a metallic dress and they
thought she was a zipper.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Larry DiGirolamo
16/OCT/1964
She's so skinny. She looks like a pogo stick with lipstick.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Dorothy Borrillo
16/OCT/1964
The family's been trying to marry her off for years. I keep telling them,
"Forget it. To catch a man you have to use [[underline]]live
bait[[/underline]]."

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Charlotte Holicker
16/OCT/1964
Once at a dance she got too close to the band - They played three sets
on her before they discovered she wasn't the xylophone.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Charlotte Holicker
16/OCT/1964
Fang's sister used to be a model - at medical school. Did you ever see a
living skeleton? She's the picture of death.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
R. L. Parker
16/OCT/1964
She's so skinny her body looks uninhabited.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Mrs. Dorothy Virgilio
24/Oct/1964
My sister-in-law is so lazy her 5 day deodorant pads last her a month.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Mrs. Dorothy Virgilio
24/Oct/1964
Her boyfriend is an unemployed architect. He builds Pyramids.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLi
Laura Himes
24/Oct/1964
Fang's sister was stabbed at the beach. The clean-up crew thought she
was a gum wrapper.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Margery A. Lord
24/Oct/1964
Fang's sister is really thin. She doesn't wear a girdle - just 4 rubber
bands.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Margery A. Lord
24/Oct/1964
She's got three hairs on her head and wants to wear it in a braid.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLi
K. N. Matthews
24/Oct/1964
Fang's sister auditioned for a job with the Marquis Chimps - but she was
too tall.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLi
Jeanne Marking
24/Oct/1964
Talking about skinny lets, she wore black stretch pants to a patio party
the other night and somebody stepped on her - they thought she was a
spider.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

CAPT. BLi
Evelyn Gimigliano
31/Oct/1964
Her figure is so straight up and down, she uses a 2 X 4 as a dress form!

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Mrs. Dwayne Ehresman
07/Nov/1964
Fang's skinny sister. Well, this dame is so thin that when she has a pain,
she doesn't know if it's a stomachache or a backache.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Capt. Bli
Jack Borden
07/Nov/1964
Her legs are so skinny she can take off her shoes and knit.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

CAPT. BLI
JOHN K. YOUNG
07/NOV/1964

When Fang's sister used to play "jump rope" - she was always the rope.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

CAPT. BLI
JOHN K. YOUNG
07/NOV/1964

We lost her for a week on time when she mailed a letter and forgot to let
go.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 10:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

CAPT. BLI
Ople Hoffman
14/DEC/1964

Fang's sister's boyfriend always leaves her flat. No wonder! That's the
way they found her.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Ople Hoffman
14/DEC/1964
Fang's sister tried to get a husband scientifically.  Her card was run
through a computer and was matched up with a German Shepherd
named "Dud."

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Ople Hoffman
14/DEC/1964
Every dress Fang's sister owns has a plunging neckline - there's nothing
to stop them.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Mrs. Robert E. Dahl
14/DEC/1964
Fang's sister?  The most flattering picture she ever had taken was an X-
Ray of her liver.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Charles W. Parker
21/DEC/1964
I'd divorce him in a minute but I'm afraid I might get custody of his
mother and sister.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
P.K. Stein
14/DEC/1964
Fang's skinny old maid sister sent her picture to a guy in a lonely hearts
club. He wrote back and said he'd rather be lonely.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Lillian Daniels
21/DEC/1964
There isn't enough skin on her face.  When she closes her eyes - her
mouth pops open!

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Lillian Daniels
21/DEC/1964
Her face was so wrinkled!  She looked like she was peeking through a
Venetian Blind!

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Lillian Daniels
21/DEC/1964
Fang's sister keeps going to the Fortune Teller to see if there's a man in
her future - I'm going along next time to see if there's a future in my man.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Lillian Daniels
21/DEC/1964
Bligh
I'm the only person in the world who looks forward to summer and
Mosquitoe bites!  At least, THEN I have a figure!

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Charles W. Parker
21/DEC/1964
Fang's sister is so homely when the Roto Rooter man comes she thinks
it's Avon calling.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Bill Daley
21/DEC/1964
Fang's sister was on TV last week.  On the Ben Casey show.  She
played the part of the disease.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
George Bloom
21/DEC/1964
Bligh
And skinny - I've had X-rays taken with a flashlight.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
George Bloom
21/DEC/1964
She is so sick, she wears prescription clothes.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Evelyn Gimigliano
21/DEC/1964
She's so skinny, she looks like a thermometer - that's why she swore off
tomato juice.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Charlotte Holicker
21/DEC/1964
Someone saw her next to the garbage can and said: "That must have
been quite a meal."

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Charlotte Holicker
21/DEC/1964
Bligh - My sister-in-law used to work in a butcher shop - til they sold her
for soup bones.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Mrs. B.C. Reynolds
24/DEC/1964
She's got a figure like a cookie pan - before they put the cookies on it!

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
P. D. Stein
31/DEC/1964

Bligh put on a new dress and said to her boy friend, "You never tell me
how I look." He said, "Why start an argument?"

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Charles W. Parker
31/DEC/1964

Fang's sister is so ugly when Avon calls on her they go in a group.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Larry DiGirolamo
24/APR/1964

Fang's sister just moved in.. that means another cage to clean.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLi
P. A. Rotuno
20/May/1964
Fang's sister is so skinny she wears suspenders to keep her girdle up.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
John K. Young
27/May/1964
Fang's sister is so skinny. One time in Anatomy class. the professor put
her in the closet and asked the skeleton to recite.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Bill Daley
10/Jan/1968
Fang's sister and Mother got in Friday night. They're going to stay a
week and I really have something special for them this time. Prices!

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Bill Daley
02/Apr/1968
Fang's sister reads tea leaves. His mother tells fortunes, and his brother
steals violins.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Bill Daley
10/Jan/1968
Fang says his sister got on inferiority complex when she finished last in
a Miss America Contest. And that was the last time a dog represented
Alaska.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Larry DiGirolamo
02/Jun/1964
She's 8 foot 10... she'd be taller if she
wore shoes.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLi
Larry DiGirolamo
02/Jun/1964
Every morning she bows 3 times toward the kitchen and puts on her
ceremonial robe... a full-length monogrammed bib.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Larry DiGirolama
2/JUN/1964
His sister claims she didn't see the welcome mat... of course she didn't
see it... she was standing on it.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Leona W. Toppel
3/JAN/1968
Is my sister-in-law ugly? Did you ever see a mirror cry?

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Leona W. Toppel
3/JAN/1968
You've heard of a face that could stop a clock? That woman can't wear a
watch.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Leona W. Toppel
10/JAN/1968
The only way my sister-in-law will ever have rice thrown at her is if she
gets caught in the middle of a tong war in a Chinese town.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Leona W. Toppel
10/JAN/1968
My sister-in-law just bought a new wig... it's the first time I've ever seen
a drop wearing a fall.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Bill Daley
02/Apr/1968
Fang's sister Capt. Bligh flew in for a visit.... through a hole in the
screen.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
LEONA W. TOPPEL
02/APR/1968

Now, with all the transplants, my sister-in-law might want to donate one
of her faces.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Phyllis Gag
MAY/1964
If Moses had seen my sister-in-law there'd be another commandment.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Phyllis Gag
Jul/1964
Sterility - we'll talk about my sister-in-law later.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Phyllis Gag
Jul/1964
Larry - Her maiden name was Capt.
Bligh - Diller.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Phyllis Gag
Sep/1964
She's so skinny - she looks like six o'clock.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Phyllis Gag
Sep/1964
Talk about skinny -- she looks like 6 o'clock.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Phyllis Gag
Sep/1964
She's so skinny she looks like 6 o'clock.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Phyllis Gag
28/Mar/1966
He brought in a yard stick...she hid behind it.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Phyllis Gag
11/Jul/1967
Fang's sister is a pin-up girl. She has to pin up her dress, her slip, her
stockings.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
PHYLLIS GAG
FEB/1965

FUNNY NOTE
She's so skinny she staples her bra on.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLi
Phyllis Gag
Feb/1965
I said: I'm sorry, I can't see you - She said: You're looking at me!

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Phyllis Gag
Feb/1965
Fang's sister is so skinny she won't go to sleep in front of the dog - one
time he buried her.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Phyllis Gag
Feb/1965
At the last reunion - his mother, Moby Dick, got in to an argument with
his sister - Capt. Bligh - Bligh called Moby an old witch -- Moby said:
How dare you - and turned her into a frog.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Phyllis Gag
29/Mar/1966
Captain Bligh is so skinny she has to come in a room twice before you
can see her.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
PHYLLIS GAG
05/JUL/1967

Fang's sister couldn't afford net stockings so she just braided the hair on
her legs.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Robert Walton
09/Sep/1971
His sister was in the wedding. She's so old, by the time she got down
the aisle, the flowers died.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Robert Walton
09/SEP/1971

One night Capt. Bli and I went to a costume
party as a pen and pencil set.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Gene Perret
Unknown
No. 198
Then there's Fang's sister ... Capt. Bli. She's a skinny little broad. She
once wound up in the hospital from tying her shoe. When she bent over
her kneecap got caught in her rib cage.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
GENE PERRET
Unknown
No. 166

If she doesn't shave her legs, she looks
like she's being carried on the shoulders
of 2 caterpillars.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Gene Perret
Unknown
No. 166
Her figure is so bad that she could stand in the street with nothing on but
a belt and nobody would notice.
She'd look like a toothpick with racing stripe.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
GENE PERRET
Unknown
No. 166

She's real skinny with a big head. She looks like a gear shift.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Gene Perret
Unknown

No. 166
Last week she dyed her hair blond and had it teased. She looked like
half a Q-tip.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
Gene Perret
Unknown

No. 166
If her teeth didn't stick out, she'd have no shape at all.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Gene Perret
Unknown
No. 166
Oh sure, you're thinking you know a lot of people with teeth that stick out
in front ... but molars?

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLi
Bob Besch
15/FEB/1971

When Capt. Bli slips into something comfortable, she slides out the
other end.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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CAPT. BLI
MICHELE EVANS
21/DEC/1970

Fang's sister, Captain Bli, is so skinny and weak ... every time she
opens the refrigerator door she catches a cold.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Michele Evans
21/Dec/1970
Her nickname is Penny. That's short for peninsula.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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Capt. Bli
Phyllis Gags
01/Apr/1968
Skinny -- the only way you know which way she's going is her nose.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 7, Part 3
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