Drawer6Part2.txt

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Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Models
Ray Mahoney
unknown
She said she was a model - I thought I smelled glue.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Models
Jeff Sawyer
Sep/1982
(Skinny Sister) I've seen more cleavage on plywood.

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Models
Betty Thomas
Jan/1982
She's so thin she wears false eyelashes to keep warm.

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Models
Phillis Gag
28/Jul/1972
When I had my eye bags removed, I gave them to Twiggy. She wears
them on her chest.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Models
Gene Perret
unknown
Trip to England: I saw Twiggy over there in a fur coat. She looks like a
caterpillar with too much eye shadow.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Models
Gene Perret
unknown
I got to know her pretty well over there. We shared a bra.
Re: Twiggy

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Models
Gene Perret
unknown
Three of us made a fortune with the same build. Twiggy, me, and Wally
Cox.

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Models
Gene Perret
unknown
If it weren't for falsies, you couldn't tell us apart. I don't know why Wally
wears them.
Re: Twiggy, Wally Cox and Phyllis

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Models
Stephen G. Allen
15/AUG/1969
I am sick of being referred to as the Polish Twiggy!

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Models
Phyllis Gag
29/APR/1969
Printed on Twiggy's chest - in case of rape - this side up.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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MODELS
Orben Gag
17/DEC/1968
"Did you hear that Twiggy just got a big job in a library"
"Is she a librarian?"
"No. A bookmark".

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Models
Greg Hoffman
31/JUL/1968
When England devalued the pound, Twiggy disappeared.

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Models
Orben Gag
02/AUG/1967
I just found out what happens to all the little girls who don't eat their
spinach and don't drink their milk. They grow up and make $50,000 a
year as fashion models.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Models
Dorothy Reynolds
22/AUG/1967
Twiggy and I are members of an exclusive organization. Busts,
Anonymous.

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Models
Phyllis Gag
26/JUN/1967
You've heard of Twiggy - meet the Trunk.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Models
Phyllis Gag
26/JUN/1967
You've heard of Twiggy - meet the Trunk.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Models
Orben Gag
12/DEC/1967
Not that wearing a sweater with nothing underneath is anything new.
Twiggy's been doing it for years!

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Models
Orben Gag
11/APR/1967
Have you seen that English model called Twiggy? Personally, I think it's
just a plot to make Phyllis Diller look stacked!

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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MODELS
Orben Gag
11/APR/1967
Twiggy has an interesting figure. It's called Early Famine.

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Models
Orben Gag
11/APR/1967
Her measurements are 31 - 22 - 32 --- in any order!

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MODELS
Orben Gag
11/APR/1967
31 - 22 - 32 and she weighs 91 pounds. I don't wanna complain but I've
seen more beef in 17 cent hamburgers.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Models
Orben Gag
11/APR/1967
Believe me, a model who weighs 91 pounds doesn't have an easy time
of it. She has to worry about long hours, bright lights, and strong
vacuum cleaners.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Models
Orben Gag
11/APR/1967
This is the only girl who has to wear falsies just to look flat-chested!

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Models
Orben Gag
11/APR/1967
She may be thin but you'll never forget what she puts into a bra -- her
shoulder blades!

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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MODELS
Phyllis Gag
12/DEC/1967
Would you believe she has an hourglass figure in there. And guess what
time it is.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Models
Orben Gag
12/DEC/1967
Guess who was just voted MAN OF THE YEAR? Twiggy!

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Modern Times
Current Comedy
18/JAN/1993
I just found out my minister's an atheist, my psychiatrist's psychotic, my
marriage counselor cheats on his wife, and my congressman was just
indicted.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Modern Times
Current Comedy
20/JUL/1992
Schools taking prayer out, putting condoms in - which teaches kids that
some prayers do get answered.

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Modern Technology
Current Comedy
20/Jul/1992
Computers predict that eventually we'll have a cashless society.
Whadya mean "eventually."

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Modern Technology
Current Comedy
20/JUL/1992
911 is so slow - it's quicker to order a pizza!

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Modern Times
Current Comedy
6/JUL/1992
When I was in school, the most common excuse for missing class was
having a cold. Now it's running out of bullets.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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MODERN TIMES
Current Comedy
07/SEP/1992
That Joe Camel campaign is really effective with kids. Now my kid not
only smokes, but he goes without water for weeks at a time.

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Modern Times
Current Comedy
12/FEB/1990
Some people think they're going downhill at forty. Wait till they reach
fifty-five. They'll realize forty was the bunny slope.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Modern Times
Current Comedy
13/AUG/1990
I took my kid to an action movie rated PG-13 - the "13" stood for the
number of people killed each scene.

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MODERN TIMES
Current Comedy
13/AUG/1990
Even revival meetings are changing with the times. When the preacher
told a man, "Throw away your crutches," he hobbled to the next tent for
a second opinion.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Modern Times
Current Comedy
13/AUG/1990
Captain Hazelwood has been suspended for nine months, but he's not
too concerned. He got a temp job working as a pilot for Northwest
Airlines.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Modern Times
Current Comedy
13/AUG/1990
If you ever go to Vegas, I suggest you see the shows before you start
gambling because they won't let you in without a shirt.

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MODERN TIMES
Current Comedy
27/AUG/1990
I've had it with meaningful relationships. I'm looking for relationships with
absolutely no meaning.

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Modern Times
Current Comedy
22/OCT/1990
McDonalds is conducting its own lottery. That's nothing new -- eating
there has always been a gamble.

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MODERN TIMES
Current Comedy
22/OCT/1990
My wife and I can't agree on how to spend our free time. I like "the feel
of the reel" and she heeds "the call of the mall."

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MODERN TIMES
CURRENT COMEDY
07/SEP/1992
THAT JOE CAMEL CAMPAIGN IS REALLY EFFECTIVE WITH KIDS.
NOW MY KID NOT ONLY SMOKES, BUT HE GOES WITHOUT
WATER FOR WEEKS AT A TIME.

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VCR
Current Comedy
13/NOV/1989
VCRs ARE great. You can tape a show you didn't want to see and not
watch it at your convenience.

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Fax Machines
Current Comedy
23/APR/1990
Here's an interesting thought...what did the guy who owned the first fax
machine do with it?

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Computers
Current Comedy
12/FEB/1990
I bought a defective computer. It does the work of twenty civil servants.

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Computers
Current Comedy
17/DEC/1990
Computer viruses are caused by too much computer dating.

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Video Machines
Current Comedy
14/AUG/1989
I use my VCR to record news programs. Thanks to modern technology, I
can watch history repeat itself.

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Video Machines
Current Comedy
26/MAR/1990
I just found out what "VCR" really stands for -- very costly repairs.

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FAC Mschine
Current Comedy
12/FEB/1990
I just bought my first obscene FAX picture.

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Video Machine
Orben's Current Comedy
02/MAY/1984
If you don't think video games are a problem, yesterday I gave my ten
year old a kite. He just stood there. I said, "Do you like it?" He said,
"Yes." I said, "would you like to fly it?" He said, "Yes." I said, "The why
don't you?" He said, "Where do you put the quarter?"

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COMPUTER
JOHN LOUTHAN
NOV/1984

I looked at a computer they say can do anything. The salesman had just
finished counting his hair.

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PD/Computers
Ellen Hildreth
JUN/1984
I don't know anything about computers. I heard someone say "floppy
discs," I hiked up my bra!

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COMPUTER
JOHN LOUTHAN
NOV/1984
Everybody says I need a computer. Last month I paid all my bills twice. I
wouldn't have cought it - but the telephone company called to thank me.

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COMPUTER
PHYLLIS DILLER GAGS
JUL/1984
A man put a card in one of those date-matching computers that said, "I
am young, handsome, and wealthy, and I'm looking for someone to
love." Out came a card from the machine: "Don't just stand there. Kiss
me."

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Computer
Orben's Current Comedy
14/NOV/1984
A computer is something that takes seconds to come up with answers to
problems that would normally take months to solve. A soap opera is just
the opposite.

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Computers
Orben's Current Comedy
23/JAN/1985
Computers are smarter than people. I've never seen one jogging.

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COMPUTERS
SALES
Orben's Current Comedy
31/AUG/1983
(COMPUTERS, SALES) If you're in sales, word processing is changing
no to yes.

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COMPUTERS
Doug Gamble
SEP/1982
Pac-Man would not eat my cooking.

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COMPUTERS
ORBEN
18/FEB/1982
Russia is the only country I know, where if a computer makes a mistake
-- it confesses.

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Computers
Orben
18/FEB/1982
Computers are definitely smarter than people. When have you ever
heard of six computers getting together to form a committee?

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Computers
Orben
03/SEP/1981
The modern American home has three things that have all the answers:
encyclopedias, home computers and teenagers.

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Computers
Orben
18/MAR/1981
They now have one computer that's so human, it looks forward to
Friday.

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Computers
Bill Terry
AUG/1983
But that was B.C. - before computers.

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Mother - My
Current Comedy
26/FEB/1990
My mother claims she's deaf in one ear and can't see out the other.

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MY MOTHER-IN-LAW
GEORGE T. MARENTIS
25/SEP/1990
IF SHE HAD HER MOUTH WIRED SHUT, SHE'D EAT THROUGH HER
NOSE.

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MOTHER: DING-A-LING
CURRENT COMEDY
29/JAN/1990
Even mothers are getting high-tech. The other day my mother
complained, " You don't call, you don't write, you don't fax..."

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MOTHER -DING-A-LING
CURRENT COMEDY
28/APR/1989
Mothers never let you grow up. Mine still tells people my age in months.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER-DING-A-LING
CURRENT COMEDY
13/OCT/1989
My MOther almost gave birth to me in a taxi during a traffic jam, but
luckily the cars started moving. I was born out of gridlock.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER DING-A-LING
CURRENT COMEDY
26/FEB/1990
My Mother claimes she's deaf in one ear and can't see out of the other.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MY MOTHER
Orben's Current Comedy
08/JAN/1986
My mother never said anything about the risk of cancer, emphysema
and heart disease.  She said if she ever caught me smoking, She'd be
hazardous to my health.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MY MOTHER
Tom Padovano
14/APR/1985
I told my mother I had a hole in one sock.  She made a hole in the other
and said, "now they match."

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

PD - Mother
Phyllis Diller
JAN/1983
I said "Act your age" and she died.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

My Mother
Tom Olson
Sep/1982

I'm getting older.  I have hot flashes so bad, my doctor wears oven
mitts...

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Gene Perret
07/APR/1982
Her eyes really aren't that bad. She's just forgetful. She forgets to turn
on the lights.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Gene Perret
07/Apr/1982

I was going to get her a seeing eye dog, but see, they're very intelligent.
Right away they'd be imcompatible.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Gene Perret
07/Apr/1982

She can't read the paper.  All she can do is look at the pictures.  She
said to me the other day, "Boy, that Ronald Reagan sure is making a lot
of movies."

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Gene Perret
07/Apr/1982

She can't hear the phone ringing, but she says the couch has quite a
story.  She talks to it every day.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Gene Perret
07/Apr/1982

Her greatest pleasure is listening to records.  She doesn't have a stereo,
she just listens to records.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Gene Perret
07/Apr/1982

I know Mom's senile.  Yesterday she said, "Hey beautiful!"

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Gene Perret
07/APR/1982
You can't spend 50 years opening beer bottles with your teeth and not
have some brain damage.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Gene Perret
07/APR/1982
She likes to walk.  She likes to go out and get a headful of fresh air.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Tom Padovano
14/APR/1982
She has a headband that says VACANCY.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Tom Padovano
14/APR/1982
I wasn't treated right as a kid.  When I asked my mother how to shut off
the fan - she said: "Grab the blade."

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

MOTHER DING-A-LING
Martha Bolton
14/APR/1982

I wear support eye-shadow.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER DING-A-LING
Tom Olson
14/APR/1982
I've been around awhile. I have a recipe in my file for Braised Dinosaur.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Tom Olson
14/APR/1982
I've been around. I've got more mileage on me than a Greyhound bus.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER DING-A-LING
Tom Olson
14/APR/1982
I've been around for awhile. My first date picked me up in a chariot.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER DING-A-LING
Tom Olson
JAN/1982
My mother once said, "You'll always be your own woman. Who else
would have you?"

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

MOTHER DING-A-LING
Phyllis Gag
SEP/1964
Her shoes laced clear to her throat. (neck)

CF - Fashion
     Mrs. Clean

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Alan Collum
10/FEB/1981
My mother is so old - instead of a bra...she wears another pair of shoes.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER DING-A-LING
Joe Rempe
AUG/1980
I called my mom and asked her how she could not invite me. She said,
"Your father and I thought you'd be too busy to make the trip." I said,
"What trip? We live in the same building!"

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

MOTHER DING-A-LING
PD GAG
MAR/1980

My Mother: A stitch in time gathers no moss.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Phyllis Gag
11/JUL/1967
As mother always said: "Cowards die a thousand deaths but a Hero
sandwich only gets eaten once."

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER DING-A-LING
Phyllis Gag
11/JUL/1967
As mother always said: "Never put off until tomorrow something that you
can postpone indefinitely."

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

MOTHER DING-A-LING
PD
1977

The good we learn at Mother's Knee -- the bad at other joints.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

MOTHER DING-a-LING
Phyllis Gag
APR/1978

A fool and his money are a joy forever.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

Mother - Ding-A-Ling
Charles W. Parker
10/MAY/1965

Mother said: You can lead a horse to water but it takes two to tango!

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Charles W. Parker
17/MAR/1967
Mother said, build a better mousetrap and you'll catch a better class
mouse.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER DING-A-LING
Charles W. Parker, V.S.M.
11/JUL/1967
As mother always said, "The only easy payment is the first one."

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER DING-A-LING
Phyllis Gag
18/MAR/1966
As mother always said: "If you think there's nothing like a good night's
sleep you never went on a honeymoon."

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Charles W. Parker, V.S.M.
11/JUL/1967
As mother always said, "The shortest distance between two points is
twin beds."

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER DING-A-LING
Phyllis Gag
18/MAR/1966
As mother always said, "If all roads lead to Rome how do you get out of
the place?"

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER - Ding-A-Ling
Phyllis Gag
MAR/1979
My mother went to a funeral yesterday-- she caught the bouquet.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER DING-A-LING
Phyllis Gag
FEB/1965
Mother is in the kitchen killing flies with a hammer.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER DING-A-LING
Paul Batson
MAR/1979
They arrested my mother for prostitution. She said, "Isn't it all right to
have a red tail light?" and they said, "Not when you're walking.....

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER DING-A-LING
Scott McGibbon
JUL/1978
My mother is a little senile. Last week she was sewing and quilted
herself to the chair.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Phyllis Gag
FEB/1965
Mother's in her room spinning - not the wheel - she's spinning - she got
her head caught in the cream separator - and she's in her room
spinning.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER DING-A-LING
Comedy/Update
10/MAR/1978
My mother was a cleanliness nut. At the table she used to tie a pigeon
to my neck so there wouldn't be any crumbs.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER-DING-A-LING
Lydia Olson
21/JAN/1978
She divides the human race into two categories--Communists and
Perverts!

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER DING-A-LING
Tom Perew
26/JAN/1978
My mother told me never to talk to strange men. That explains why she
never spoke to my father.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER DING-A-LING
Lydia Olson
21/JAN/1978
She's so narrow minded--her ears touch.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER DING-A-LING
Bob Walton
15/MAY/1972
She bought a water bed because she always wanted to die at sea.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER DING-A-LING
Orben Gags
SEP/1976
My mother is so confused - she's trying to get on a STOP SHRIVER
movement.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Bill Daley
16/Aug/1968

My mother wrote to President [[blank]] telling him that General Custer is
alive and living in Argentina.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Bill Daley
16/Aug/1968

My mother is very eccentric. She keeps ^10 37 cats in the house.
[[strikethrough]] Four living [[/strikethrough]]. Three are alive.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Edward J. Beckwith
21/Jun/1967

I'll admit it, I can't cook.  When my mother taught me how to use an oven
she gave me just two rules: If it falls, it's a cake; and if it turns black, it is
a roast.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Robert Woods
13/Sep/1974

Goes out every Saturday night and picks up men - but forgets why.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Edward R. Canaan
18/Aug/1971

My mother's so old... she remembers peace.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Phyllis Gag
Jul/1964

Safe as in your mother's arms.  Who's safe then.  She dropped me
twice.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Phyllis Gag
Sep/1964

Every time I went home to mother - she had gone home to her mother.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Phyllis Gag
14/Nov/1963

Talk about culture.. Mother saw to it that I was exposed to everything --
measles, mumps, [[strikethrough]]whoping
cough[[/strikethrough]]chicken pox...

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Bob Walton
15/May/1972

It must be terrible to take a bubble bath and wonder if you'll outlast the
suds.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Phyllis Gag
03/APR/1973
Mother Ding-A-Ling - She's so old, the druggist sends her free calendar
a month at a time.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-a-ling
Bob Walton
15/MAY/1972
At her age, half your life could be wasted on a three-minute egg.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Bob Walton
15/May/1972

Mother Ding-A-Ling got quite a shock this morning.  She woke up.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Bob Walton
15/May/1972

She moves so slow, she makes Jack Benny look like a whirling dervish.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

Mother Ding-A-Ling
David Heller
24/Oct/1972

Mother Ding-A-Ling - She's so nosey.  She spent all day yesterday
trying to steam open a postcard.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

MOTHER DING-A-LING
Lydia Olson
21/JAN/1978

You know how people say: "Oh poo!" Her motto is - "Poo unto others, as
they Poo unto you!"

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER DING-A-LING
Tom Perew
26/JAN/1978
My mother was always telling me to close the refrigerator door--from the
inside.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER DING-A-LING
Bob Walton
15/MAY/1972
She's so old, she's going through her third change of life.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

MOTHER DING-A-LING
SCOTT McGIBBON
APR/1976

My mother is a little senile. Last week she was sewing and quilted
herself to the chair.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER DING-A-LING
Orben Gag
APR/1978
We call her Xerox - she keeps repeating herself.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER DING-A-LING
Phyllis Gag
FEB/1965
My mother - her friends all call her Scrooge - they say: Here comes old
Scrooge, Christmas can't be far behind.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER DING-A-LING
Charlotte Holicker
21/DEC/1964
My mother is so frugal she knit my wedding dress. I'm the only woman in
the world who was ever married in an argyle wedding gown.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER DING-A-LING
Charlotte Holicker
21/DEC/1964
When Fang kissed me, I stabbed him - she forgot to remove the needles
- he hasn't kissed me since.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER DING-A-LING
Charlotte Holicker
21/DEC/1964
Fang gave me something to go with my wedding gown - a moth.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER DING-A-LING
Joe Lucas
21/DEC/1964
Everybody gave the bride silver - so my mother gave me her silver
polish.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER DING-A-LING
Richard Schweitzer
22/APR/1964
Fang heard your heart stops when you sneeze - so he sprinkled
sneezing powder on my mother!

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER - MY
Current Comedy
13/OCT/1989
MY MOTHER ALMOST GAVE BIRTH TO ME IN A TAXI DURING A
TRAFFIC JAM, BUT LUCKILY THE CARS STARTED MOVING. I WAS
BORN OUT OF GRIDLOCK.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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MONEY: Inflation
Orben Gag
Apr 1978
Yesterday at the ballpark I paid 40 cents for a bag that contained 12
peanuts. That's 3 cents a peanut. No wonder Jimmy Carter smiles. He's
rich.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Money
Orben Gag
Apr/1978
When I answer someone's anger, I follow this to the letter: Tongue-in-
cheek is good; Tongue-in-check is better.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Phyllis Gag
Feb/1965
My mother wasn't nuts about housekeeping either.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Phyllis Gag
Feb/1965
She preferred brick laying - actually she preferred this brick layer - he
lived down the street.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Phyllis Gag
Feb/1965
She has an electric car.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Phyllis Gag
Feb/1965
Dad won't ride in it - he says it's the work of the devil - it was made by
the brick layer down the street.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER DING-A-LING
Phyllis Gag
FEB/1965
My mother has a kerosene television set.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

MOTHER DING-A-LING
Phyllis Gag
FEB/1965

Every week she puts in a new wick.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

MOTHER DING-A-LING
Phyllis Gag
FEB/1965

Mom comes up smelling like roses - she drinks Four Roses.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

MOTHER DING-A-LING
Phyllis Gag
NOV/1964

Mother kept roomers - and she started a few.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

MOTHER DING-A-LING
Phyllis Gag
SEPT/1964

Mother - sun is out - put on your boots.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER DING-A-LING
Phyllis Gag
SEP/1964
Mother used to play a number called ALICE BEN BOLT - what kind of
name is that for a girl?

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

Mother Ding-A-Long
Phyllis Gag
SEPT/1964

Have you ever been poisoned thru by mail? My mother used to send us
sausage - Home made suasage -- that's the WORST kind --

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Phyllis Gag
SEP/1964

Mother used to take in outside washing til the police (caught her) made
her stop.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

  

Mother Ding-A-Ling

Phyllis Gag
NOV/1964

Mother was a bat boy - she's a pin setter (down at the bowling alley).

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Phyllis Gag
NOV/1964

Mother made this fantastic soup that was supposed to cure lock jaw and
headaches - lock jaw will cause a headache - it contained garlic and
bourbon - it gave you bad breath 2 ways - then she developed this 2-
way breath tablet - it smelled worse than the soup - in fact your breath
sometimes gave people lock nose - which also causes headaches . -

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
NOV/1964
Phyllis Gag
My mother was so frugal - she had a recipe called mock oyster soup -
nothing in it but hot milk and salt and pepper - she even had a soup
called mock mock soup - hot water with salt and pepper - but you gotta
hand it to her - she left me a million dollars - of course I had rickets.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

MOTHER DING-A-LING
Phyllis Gag
NOV/1964

Invest for kids trust fund (borrowed) mother $50.000 - $3600 borrow on
house pkg. something depreciation real estate.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Phillis Gag
SEP/1964

My mother was always expecting me to be raped - she wanted the very
best for me.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Phyllis Gag
SEP/1964

Mother was a great napper - one summer - she slept thru -- January,
February and Lent.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Phyllis Gag
SEP/1964

Section of wall -- hand prints - foot-prints - dog and cat paws -- Mother
says: Thank goodness they couldn't spell.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Phyllis Gag
JUL/1964
Going to move into the White House someday -- I'll bring my own
cabinet -- a marble top -- ball and claw feet -- it wasn't my mother's -- it
IS my mother.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER DING-A-LING
PHYLLIS GAG
JUL/1964
Wedding - Mother cried when I bought my gown - I didn't tell her about it
- She must have found out on her own.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER DING-A-LING
PHYLLIS GAG
JUL/1964
A penny saved is a penny earned - that's why mother wouldn't work -
she just kept saving pennies.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER DING-A-LING
PHYLLIS GAG
MAY/1964
My mother wanted me to follow in her footsteps - I couldn't find them.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER DING-A-LING
PHYLLIS GAG
SEP/1964
It's hereditary - my mother was bald - I was pretty confused - I was the
only kid on our block with two fathers.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER DING-A-LING
PHYLLIS GAG
JUL/1964
Sprayed everything in the basement gold - and guess who was in the
basement at the time -- my mother.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER DING-A-LING
PHYLLIS GAG
JUL/1964
Where's Mother? She's in kitchen shooting flies!

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER DING-A-LING
PHYLLIS GAG
SEP/1964
MOTHER WAS SO FRUGAL - NOBODY COULD BE FRUGALER - WE
HAD A COUCH MADE OF STALE BREAD - YOU SAT ON THAT AND
BRUSHING WOULDN'T HELP - YOU HAD TO BE CRUMBED.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Phyllis Gag
Unknown
Going to move into the White House someday -- bring in my own
cabinet -- it's got 4 drawers and a marble top -- ball and claw feet -- it
wasn't my mother's -- it IS my mother.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Phyllis Gag
Unknown
It's hereditary -- my mother was bald -- I was pretty confused til I was 6 -
- I was the only kid on the block with two feathers.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Phyllis Gag
Jul/1964
Mother was a great napper -- one year -- she slept thru January -
February and Lent.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Mary McBride
07/APR/1970
I refused to have my mother come and live with us.  I didn't object to her
second childhood, but what if she progressed to a teenager.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Phyllis Gag
12/FEB/1970
I start having these terrible thoughts ... "Did I turn off the gas? Was
Mother dead when we buried her?"

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Gene Perret
20/AUG/1968
Mom never wasted anything.  Back on the farm, if my family didn't finish
the stew, Mom would use it to run the tractor.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
June Hill
21/DEC/1964
My mother did hand me down some interesting recipes, but I can't
remember the little rhymes you're supposed to chant while you're
stirring.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Violette I. Sealock
16/OCT/1964
My parents didn't know anything about psychology and look how well I
turned out!

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Dorothy Borrillo
20/MAY/1964
My mother didn't know a thing about child psychology.  She tought
psyche was Japanese moonshine.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER DING-A-LING
PD
FEB/1975
Phyllosphy -- my mother gave me the best fears of her life.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER DING-A-LING
P.D.
27/NOV/1974
In my day -- if you said: "SEX" - Mother said: "What sex?"

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

MOTHER DING-A-LING
Robert Woods
13/SEP/1974
She and her friends started a Euell Gibbons fan club.  On the 1st of
every month they get together and steal a squirrel's nuts.

Cross-filed under FAMOUS PEOPLE

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Bob Walton
15/MAY/1972
But what really shook her -- the doctor told her another shock like that
could kill her.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Bob Walton
15/MAY/1972
He's got the kind of body you throw a sheet over.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

MOTHER DING-A-LING
Dave Riddle
13/OCT/1974
My mother is so old, she's mentioned in the Dead Sea Scrolls.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Phyllis Gag
17/FEB/1972
Mother Ding-A-Ling
Daddy Dong-A-Long

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Lockhorns
10/NOV/1971
Fang looking as if he's walked thru an explosion, sitting by a hole in the
ground.  He says:  "I tried one of those golf balls your mother sent me
for my birthday."

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Phyllis Gag
24/SEP/1971
She was touring Mount Vernon, George Washington's home, when she
turned to a friend and said, "Did you notice that everything is furnished
in Early American?"

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Phyllis Gag
24/SEP/1971
When she got a ticket for jay walking she told the officer that she
thought the DON'T WALK sign was an advertisement for the bus
company.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Phyllis Gag. THE LOCKHORNS.
22/JUN/1971
Phyllis holding picture of her mother.
Fang says, "A good place to hang your mother? How about the oak tree
in back?"

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Phyllis Gag. THE LOCKHORNS.
22/JUN/1971
Fang to Phyllis: "I know it's unlawful for an agitator to cross the state
line. Does your [[underline]] mother [[/underline]] know it?"

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Phyllis Gag.
18/MAY/1971
Fang holding out his hand for a letter in Phyllis's hand. Phyllis says: "It's
a letter inviting Mother to come visit us ... I'll mail it myself."
From:  THE LOCKHORNS

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Phyllis Gag
6/MAY/1971
As safe as in your mother's arms ... she dropped me twice.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Phyllis Gag
18/FEB/1971
My mother and I are both approaching the same age from opposite
directions.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Gene Perret
23/MAR/1968
I learned cooking from my mother which was before the days of instant
coffee, TV dinners, fire ....

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Phyllis Gag
08/JUN/1970
My mother was an ice skater. She was a figure skater. She had to be.
She had none of her own.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Gene Perret
20/AUG/1968
My mother taught me how to cook. Mom was a great teacher.
Unfortunately, she was a lousy cook.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Mother Ding-A-Ling
Phyllis Gag
27/JUN/1969

She sits for hours and watches - radio.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Mother Ding-A-Ling
Phyllis Gags
18/FEB/1969
Remember the gusy who used to come around with a pushcart and
sharpen scissors and knives -- my mother had her tongue sharpened.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Mother Ding-A-Ling
Joyce A. Massahos
14/OCT/1968
My folks were nuts about me. One night I went out and my folks painted
the house and changed the street signs.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Mother Ding-A-Ling
Phyllis Gag
30/AUG/1968
My grandmother used to growl grrrrrrrrr - Of course - mother Ding-a-ling
should never have served raw meat.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Mother Ding-A-Ling
Phyllis Gag
30/AUG/1968
Both parents were bald - I was the only kid on the block with two fathers
- til I was in kindergarten - I thought I was a poodle.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Mother Ding-A-Ling
Phyllis Gag
30/AUG/1968
My parents are my 2 biggest enemies - Mother Nature & Father Time.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Mother Ding-A-Ling
Leona W. Toppel
21/Aug/1968
We bought my mother a rocking chair and the loves it. She sits there all
day throwing rocks.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Mother Ding-A-Ling
Bill Daley
16/Aug/1968
My mother and dad celebrated their 90th wedding anniversary. What a
party! They had a shoot out.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Mother Ding-A-Ling
Bill Daley
26/Sep/1968
Fang couldn't sleep last night. he heard a coyote and thought my mother
was in.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Mother Ding-A-Ling
Bill Daley
26/Sep/1968
Talk about lucky. Fang hit a brick wall with the car at 60 miles an hour.
All the doctors could find were some scratches. And my mother did that.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Mother Ding-A-Ling
Bill Daley
26/Sep/1968
My mother is very straight and slim. My Dad used to beat us with her.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Mother Ding-A-Ling
Bill Daley
Sep/26/1968

My Dad had the greatest walking stick. If you pressed a button on it, my
mother would slide out.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Mother Ding-A-Ling
Gene Perret
20/AUG/1968
My mother taught me how to cook.  Mom was a great teacher.
Unfortunately, she was a lousy cook.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Mother Ding-A-Ling
Gene Perret
20 Aug 1968
Mom never wasted anything. Back on the farm, if my family didn't finish
the stew, mom would use it to run the tractor.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Mother Ding-A-Ling
Gene Perret
20/AUG/1968
We had the only tractor in the county that the pigs used to follow around
and eat the exhaust.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Mother Ding-A-Ling
R. L. Parker
01/JUN/1965
Like writing paper would have 3 sides.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Mother Ding-A-Ling
Leona W. Toppel
26/Jul/1968

My mother is color-blind. Last week she got so furious she saw gray.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Mother Ding-A-Ling
Phyllis Gag
Jul/1964

SONG: Mother and Dad came with me on my honeymoon.
      That spoiled June -- July and August.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Mother Ding-A-Ling
Phyllis Gag
JUN/1964
A tornado came through Lima during one of my parent's arguments -
and we didn't even notice it.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Mother Ding-A-Ling
PHYLLIS GAG
NOV/1964
My folks came West in the first convertible - an uncovered wagon.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Shirlee Kurtz
25/Oct/1963

Mother divorced Dad the day after I was born.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Mother Ding-A-Ling
Mary McBride
01/NOV/1963
My folks didn't want me to marry him.  In fact, when I was engaged, they
gave me a denouncement party.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Phyllis Gag
30/MAR/1966
Are your folks still in Ohio?  No, they're dead, they're in a better place.
One's in heaven and one's in hell...they wanted to be separated.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Phyllis Gag
Jul 1964
Mother's driving -- Model T up the hill on 3 tires -- backing in filling
station -- Hoover in car -- hit from back -- Dad in ditch passing on wrong
side.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Phyllis Gag
SEP/1964
My mother predicts the future with cards - she looks at my report card
and she can tell me exactly what will happen when Dad gets home.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
R. L. Parker
21/DEC/1964
Mom wrote an endearing little poem about Pop to be sure we kids
understood him - She titled it "Love Lightly".
     He's brash, curt, stern and gruff,
     Surly, harsh, rude and rough
     Short, grim, sour and blunt,
     Bristling, thorny little runt.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Shirlee C. Kurtz
20/May/1964
My mother and dad had quite a discussion the day I was born - 'n that's
the last time they've spoken.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Mr. Bill Daley
Apr/26/1968

You know what he gave my mother and father for Christmas last year?
Dueling pistols.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Jeanne Opalach
16/FEB/1965

My mother was a very proud woman - until I was born. My father didn't
pass out cigars; he just passed out.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Emily Miller
Feb/16/1965

I said, "Last night was pay day. Did Dad make it home?" She said,
"Money is the root of all evil that you can do tomorrow."

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Phyllis Gag
Nov/1964

No I don't have any brothers and sisters, but I have 3 fathers by my first
mother.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Mother Ding-A-Ling
Delaine Helwig
10/March/1967

It makes Mother nervous because Dad insists on figuring his own
income tax.  She says he won't learn til he gets in trouble with Uncle
Washington.  She says she wouldst take that responsibility for all the tea
in Switzerland.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Florence Williams
10/MAY/1965
Mother told me about the birds and the bees, after our honeymoon, I
took a closer look at her and Dad.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Joan Knutson
10/MAY/1965
My mother made muffins once that turned out so hard, a chemist bought
them and he has had 4 of them soaking 15 years and they aren't even
soggy.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
P.A. Rotuna
08/JUL/1964
My mother's creating a real problem for me. She's an age nut - at first it
was cute, but now -- she started by claiming to be a very young child
bride - then she was a young step mother and now she's referring to me
as her older sister.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Harry Nudelman
10/May/1965
Our youngest kid came screaming to tell me something was wrong with
Grandma. I dashed to the kitchen and found her standing on her head in
front of the oven. She said she was getting a look at her upsidedown
cake.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Joan Knutson
10/MAY/1965
My mother made muffins once that turned out so hard, a chemist bought
them and he has had 4 of them soaking 15 years and they aren't even
soggy.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Ray Rieves
25/JAN/1965
My mother is old fashioned. She doesn't believe that newspapers and
magazines should give advice on Sex. To my mother, Dr. Spock is D.H.
Lawrence with an M.D.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Ray Rieves
25/JAN/1965
I was 18 before she allowed me to read the Reader's Digest.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Charlotte Holicker
10/MAY/1965
My frugal mother has discovered a great new all purpose fuel - it cooks
the meals, heats the house and provides light - its called a candle.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Charlotte Holicker
10/MAY/1965
My mother's very thrifty - when I was a baby she made all my clothes
expandable - so they could grow with me. (point to dress) This was my
diaper.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
R.L. Parker
20/May/1965
Mom has he stock of home made cure alls. She has - Ground Poke root,
sugar with kerosine, skunk oil, egg whites, sassafras bark, dandelion
wine and so on.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
R. L. Parker
10/MAY/1965
When she gets sick she starts right down the list.  When shes cured,
she never knows what did it.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
R. L. Parker
10/May/1965
If she's real sick she takes a short cut on the list - goes right to the wine
and works in that area.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Harry Nudelman
10/MAY/1965
One of our kids was betting on the horses.  I found out and gave him a
piece of my mind.  It hurt a little - but I said, "If you like nags, hang
around your Grandmother - don't hang around racetracks -"  That's
where windows clean people!"

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Phyllis Gag
NOV/1964
I am a high-brow - I am descended from a long line my mother once
foolishly listened to.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Robert M. Strozier, Jr.
1/Aug/1967
Mother:
She went to a drive-in bank yesterday. But got confused, and tried to
cash a road map.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Robert M. Strozier, Jr.
01/AUG/1967
Then she tried to sign a check with the ignition keys.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
John K. Young
21/MAY/1965
My mother is so absentminded, every time we eat at her house, we
demand to see the parakeet first.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
R.L. Parker
10/May/1965
Mom joined a group who holds meetings on Wednesday afternoon for
what she calls a daily hour of silence. I said, "How can you have a daily
hour of silence and only meet on Wednesday?" She said, "There are 7
of us. I represent Saturday." I said, "Do you meet for an hour once a
week?" She said, "Yes, frequently." I said, "How can it be frequently, if
you definitely meet once a week. Which is it?" She said, "Infrequently,
we meet for 2 hours." My answer to that was, "I see." Then I asked what
the hour of silence was for and she told me that they are trying to hold
on to what they have. So they spend their time trying to think of
everything they know. If they get through before the hour is up they rest
their brain. She said some of the women know so much they run over
time. I said, "Why do you each represent a day in the week?" The
answer, "It's in behalf of science. We're trying to find which is the best
day for thinking." I don't know how Mom spends her hour with the group.
She started to tell me something she'd heard - then couldn't remember
it. She said, "I guess somebody else must have heard it."

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Delaine Helwig
10/MAR/1967
My mother saves everything.  She's still got her wedding dress.  That's
not so bad in itself, but she wears it.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Bill Daley
28/MAY/1968

My mother did her best to prepare me for marriage. Every day, she'd hit
me over the head with a board.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Bill Daley
17/MAR/1967

My mother is studying Karate... so she can kill Fang with her bare
hands.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Lois Ann Greenow
25/MAR/1966

When I was born, my mother and her doctor both had a nervous
breakdown.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Delaine Helwig
10/MAR/1967
Lots of people save empty jars, but my mother is so frugal she saves
empty Kool-Aid envelopes.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Delaine Helwig
21/JUN/1967
Mother taught us kids nursery rhymes, just like any mother would.  Well,
not exactly like other mothers, because even then she got things a little
mixed up, like ----

Hickory Dickory Sprat - Old King Hubbard

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

  

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Delaine Helwig
21/JUN/1967

-2-

- Humpty Dumpty Sat On a Tuffet - Twinkle Twinkle Little Lamb - Rock-
a-bye Black Sheep -- Little Boy Peep -- Lucky Locket Lost Her mittens -
Goldy Locks and the Three Blind Pigs -- One Two buckle my Mulberry
Bush -- The Farmer in the shoe.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
P. A. Rotuno
18/JAN/1965
My mother is so old fashioned, she won't ever were a topless apron.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Dave Riddle
8/Jul/1964
Mom never told me about sex. She figured with my looks I'd never get
that far.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
Transcribed and Reviewed by Digital Volunteers
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Alex Baruch
20/JUL/1965
I'd go home to mother, but she lives with us.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Emily Miller
16/FEB/1965
I said, "Mother, why do you always chaperone me and my boyfriend?"
She said, "Two's company is worth 2 in the bush."

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Mother Ding-A-Ling
Barbara Hentschel
9/JAN/1965
My mother sent over an Indian Pudding the other day. I knew it was an
Indian Pudding because just one bite and Fang said, "Ugh."

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Mother Ding-A-Ling
Eugene Perret
24/Oct/1964

Fang has a standard rule that I'm never to let strangers into the house -
that's why he won't let me introduce him to my Mother.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Eugene R. Perret
16/Oct/1964

He would've never fixed the lock on the front door if I hadn't told him
Mother was coming.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Wilfred Beaver
31/Oct/1964

My mother would tell us girls about the trouble young women would get
into as they grew older. One day she said: "Remember this - time will
leave its mark on a woman."  I agree - a good time sure does.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Charles W. Parker
31/Oct/1964

My mother saves the filters from Fang's cigarettes.  She uses the
charcoal for cook-outs.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Mary McBride
31/Dec/1964

Question to you: Who do you look like?
Answer: I think I favor my mother.
Response: You call that a favor?

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

 

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Shirlee Kurtz
25/Oct/1963

My mother and I are about the same age -- she's 29.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

Mother Ding-A-Ling
Shirlee C. Kurtz
13/JUN/1964
I remember Mama - but she's still trying to forget me.

Phyllis Diller Gag File - Drawer No. 6, Part 2
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Extracted Mar-02-2017 03:42:03

Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History
Smithsonian Institution Transcription Center, National Museum of American History

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