index.js

#!/usr/bin/env node
{
  const clear = require('clear');
  const chalk = require('chalk');
  const inquirer = require('inquirer');
  const os = require('os');

  const gestation = [
    '/ Tick tock',
    '| Time is passing',
    '\\ The foetus is growing',
    '- You can\'t keep it a secret any longer'
  ];

  const progress = [
    '/ Praying',
    '| Praying',
    '\\ Still praying',
    '- On the last Hail Mary',
    'Penance done!\nYou\'re back in business.'
  ];

  let i = 0;
  const ui = new inquirer.ui.BottomBar({bottomBar: progress[i % 5]});

  const chatPrompt = {
    type: 'list',
    name: 'chat',
    message: 'Mary and Pauline come to chat to you. Do you engage in conversation?' + os.EOL,
    choices: [
      'Sure why not, they’re a bit of craic.' + os.EOL,
      'No. I don’t really want to talk to anyone. I just came here to get away from my 6 brothers.'
    ]
  };

  const closePrompt = {
    type: 'list',
    name: 'close',
    message: 'You’re getting fierce close, do you want to go around the back of the dance hall with John?' + os.EOL,
    choices: [
      'Yes, Fr. Brennan looks like he’s busy with an altar boy.' + os.EOL,
      'That depends, does he have a condom?' + os.EOL,
      'No, I won’t risk it. I don’t want to get pregnant before marriage and spend the rest of my days in a convent packing buckaroo games.' + os.EOL
    ]
  };

  const eavesdropPrompt = {
    type: 'list',
    name: 'eavesdrop',
    message: 'What do you do?' + os.EOL,
    choices: [
      'Nothing. If my abuse at the hands of the Christian Brothers has taught me anything, it\'s that you can\'t win against a man of the cloth.' + os.EOL,
      'Go to the gardaí with this information.'
    ]
  };

  const genderPrompt = {
    type: 'list',
    name: 'gender',
    message: 'Before we begin chose your gender for the purpose of the game' +  os.EOL + '  Remember this is 1950’s rural Ireland, only 2 genders exist!',
    choices: ['Male', 'Female']
  };

  const johnDancePrompt = {
    type: 'list',
    name: 'dance',
    message: 'John comes to talk to you and asks if you want to dance?' + os.EOL,
    choices: [
      'Yes, sure Fr. Brennan won’t see us, he’s half blind' + os.EOL,
      'Oh I don\'t know now, that won\'t go down too well with the Fr.' +  os.EOL + '  Get out your rosary beads and he\'ll think we\'re saying a decade together.' + os.EOL,
      'No, thanks to my Catholic education I have no idea how babies are made.' +  os.EOL + '  I’m afraid to have any contact with the opposite sex.'
    ]
  };

  const noraDancePrompt = {
    type: 'list',
    name: 'dance',
    message: chalk.italic('Fr:') + chalk.yellow.bgBlack(' You’re dancing too close to that cailín.'+ os.EOL + '      If I catch you at it again I\'ll have you deported for corrupting the local dance hall.') + os.EOL,
    choices: [
      'But you can’t deport me, I’m Irish!' + os.EOL,
      'Well, at least I\'m not fiddling with young fellas.'
    ]
  };

  function getGender() {
    inquirer.prompt(genderPrompt).then((answers) => {
      intro();
      if(answers.gender === 'Female') {
        haveTheChats();
      } else {
        eavesdrop();
      }
    });
  }

  function eavesdrop() {
    console.log('On your way to the holy water font you overhear the Bishop talking to Fr. Brennan...' + os.EOL + os.EOL + chalk.italic('Bishop:') + chalk.yellow.bgBlack(' Oh Fr. Brennan, I heard you’ve been fiddling with children. ' + os.EOL + '        Ah sure that’s grand, I’m partial to a bit of altar boy myself. ' + os.EOL + '        We’ll move you to a new parish. No one will ever know.') + os.EOL);
    inquirer.prompt(eavesdropPrompt).then((answers) => {
      clear();
      if(answers.eavesdrop === eavesdropPrompt.choices[0]) {
        console.log('');
        console.log('Good man. You make a hasty retreat to the dance floor.');
        setTimeout(meetNora, 1000);
      } else {
        console.log('Sure don\'t you know that Garda Burke plays bridge with the Bishop.');
        console.log('');
        console.log('The Bishop manages to get you imprisioned for homosexual acts despite any proof of said acts.');
        setTimeout(gameOver, 1500);
      }
    });
  }

  function meetNora() {
    console.log('');
    console.log('Nora\'s always giving you the eye when you\'re coming out of confession.' + os.EOL + 'You ask her to dance.' + os.EOL);
    inquirer.prompt(noraDancePrompt).then((answers) => {
      clear();
      if(answers.dance === noraDancePrompt.choices[0]) {
        console.log('');
        console.log(chalk.italic('Fr:') + chalk.yellow.bgBlack(' Ah sure nevermind that, the power of the Catholic church knows no bounds.'));
        setTimeout(goOutside, 1700);
      } else {
        console.log('');
        console.log('You\'re sent to jail for blasphemy');
        gameOver();
      }
    });
  }

  function goOutside() {
    clear();
    console.log('Yourself and Nora go round the back of the hall to get some peace from Fr. Brennan.')
    console.log('Just as you\'re getting down to some serious necking Sr. Fatima appears.');
    setTimeout(function() {
      console.log('');
      console.log(chalk.italic('Sr:') + chalk.yellow.bgBlack(' Off to the priesthood with you young man. That’ll stop your urges.'));
      gameOver();
    }, 2500);
  }

  function getPenance() {
    clear();
    console.log('Fr. Brennan sees you all laughing.');
    console.log();
    console.log(chalk.italic('Fr:') + chalk.yellow.bgBlack(' Careful now, you sound like you’re having too much fun.' +  os.EOL + '    Go and say a few Hail Marys. That’ll soften your cough for you.'));
    
    setTimeout(doPenance, 2000);
  }

  function doPenance() {
    console.log();

    const updateProgress = setInterval(function () {
      if (i === 5) {
        clearInterval(updateProgress);
        i = 0;
        setTimeout(meetJohn, 1000);
        return;
      };
      ui.updateBottomBar(progress[i++ % 5]);
    }, 700);

  }

  function meetJohn() {
    clear();
    console.log('');
    inquirer.prompt(johnDancePrompt).then((answers) => {
      if(answers.dance === johnDancePrompt.choices[0]) {
        becomeNun();
      } else if (answers.dance === johnDancePrompt.choices[1]) {
        gettingClose();
      } else {
        getMedal();
      }
    });
  }

  function getMedal() {
    clear();
    console.log('Cailín maith. Fr. Brennan gives you a holy medal for your piousness.');
    console.log('');
    console.log('You survive the disco but you\'ll be plagued by Catholic guilt your whole life.');
    gameOver();
  }

  function gettingClose() {
    clear();
    console.log('');
    inquirer.prompt(closePrompt).then((answers) => {
      if(answers.close === closePrompt.choices[0]) {
        getPregnant();
      } else if (answers.close === closePrompt.choices[1]) {
        goToConfession();
      } else {
        waiting();
      }
    });
  }

  function waiting() {
    clear();
    console.log('You survive the disco.');
    console.log('');
    console.log('You spend the rest of your life waiting in vain for the separation of church and state.');
    console.log('')
    console.log('R.I.P.');
    gameOver();
  }

  function goToConfession() {
    clear();
    console.log('');
    console.log('You must be joking girl! Sure the catholic church doesn’t believe in contraception.');
    console.log('Unbelievably, a man will walk on the moon before contraception is available to you.' + os.EOL);
    console.log('Feeling conflicted about the impure thoughts you\'re having, you ask Fr. Brennan for an emergency confession.' + os.EOL);
    setTimeout(() => {
      clear();
      console.log('');
      console.log('You survive the disco but a few years later you die due to pregnancy complicatons.');
      console.log('If abortion had been available to you, your life would have been spared.');
      console.log('');
      console.log('Let us pray for the repose of your soul.');
      gameOver();
    }, 5000);
  }

  function getPregnant() {
    clear();
    const updateGestation = setInterval(function () {
      if (i === 4) {
        clearInterval(updateGestation);
        i = 0;
        setTimeout(goingToHell, 1000);
        return;
      };
      ui.updateBottomBar(gestation[i++ % 4]);
    }, 700);
  }

  function goingToHell() {
    clear();
    console.log('');
    console.log(chalk.italic('Fr:') + chalk.yellow.bgBlack(' Oh you’re pregnant out of wedlock are you? You’ll go straight to hell for that,' +  os.EOL + '    but in the meantime we’ll force you to have the baby and then bury the child in an unmarked grave.'));
    gameOver();
  }

  function becomeNun() {
    clear();
    console.log('');
    console.log('Oh you underestimated Fr.’s eyesight.');
    console.log('');
    setTimeout(function() {
      console.log('');
      console.log(chalk.italic('Fr:') + chalk.yellow.bgBlack(' You’re dancing too close to that fella. Off to the nunnery with you to learn a bit of chastity.'));
      gameOver();
    }, 700);
  }

  function haveTheChats() {
    inquirer.prompt(chatPrompt).then((answers) => {
      if(answers.chat === chatPrompt.choices[0]) {
        getPenance();
      } else {
        meetJohn();
      }
    });
  }

  function intro() {
    clear();
    console.log('');
    console.log('Right so, let\'s see how pious you are.');
    console.log('');
    console.log('You\'re at the local dance hall for the monthly disco. The local priest Fr. Brennan is keeping an eye on goings-on...');
    console.log('');
  }

  function gameOver() {
    console.log('');
    console.log(chalk.black.bgGreen('========================='));
    console.log(chalk.black.bgGreen('++++++++GAME OVER++++++++'));
    console.log(chalk.black.bgGreen('========================='));
    console.log('');
    console.log('#makeirelandsecularagain');
    console.log('');
    console.log('#repealthe8th');
    console.log('');
    console.log('Want to see the code for this?');
    console.log('https://github.com/amymc/catholic_disco');
    console.log('');
    console.log('Confused by the references to Buckaroo, unmarked graves or deportation?');
    console.log('See here >>> https://github.com/amymc/catholic_disco/README.md#background')
  }

  function start() {
    clear();
    console.log('');
    console.log(chalk.black.bgGreen('++++ Welcome to the catholic disco ++++'));
    console.log('');
    console.log('Let’s party like it’s 1959!');
    console.log('');
    getGender();
  }

  start();
}